So (in the ideal world), you’ve played the part of the good girl for long enough, and you want to blow your boyfriend’s mind (long-term only, of course). Growing up in an immigrant household, and losing my virginity later than 50% of my peers (though, I’m tempted to say the majority), gave me a serious complex in bed. I always felt I was being too virginal, and compensated for being too wild.
My favourite thing to do is to check my guy’s porn history, and then look for search terms. If he’s still too shy/intimidated to tell you what he likes (often the case with me, because I always fancied the shy, bookish type), you can surprise him. He’ll think you have some intuitive sexual connection. Because I also like the neurotic type, there’s always been some particular fantasy, theme, or fixation. I usually worry if there isn’t.
Once you enter a relationship, forget about EVER reverting to ugly panties or lingerie. You might as well as just wear a slogan T-shirt that says, “I give up.” In fact, throw every ugly piece of lingerie out so you’re not tempted to grab it in case of a laundry emergency. Go out and buy more sexy panties. My favourite is black lace, because it’s classic. But, my boyfriend likes these girly, frilly purple ones I own. Go figure.
Dirty talk is interesting. I generally go with the dirty talk because I like guys who are nasty in bed, but sweet on the outside. I usually say crass or vulgar things, but I avoid swearing, because to me, it still feels really un-ladylike (shut up) for some reason. I don’t like when women talk like men in porn, so I avoid it in real life. But I still like to keep it slutty.
Technique is a bore considering it’s natural for most people. It’s too easy to ask what feels good and what doesn’t, and learn and go from there. Have fun, ladies (who I hope are over the age of 18).
I remember being in 7th or 8th grade when I discovered the life-changing power of the flat iron.
Shakira wavy, straight and curly source: onsugar.com
From unruly locks, my hair was transformed into a smooth waterfall that framed my face and gently fell around my shoulders.
It was as if the ugly duckling had emerged as a baby swan overnight. There was a clear increase in compliments, fawning attention, and sparkly-eyed looks (you know those…when a guy seems dazed by your beauty).
Word spread about me as one of the big “stunners” in our local ethnic community. I became the object of several new crushes at school too.
Rivals tried to pry out what shampoo or serum I was using on my hair. Or if they were those supplements they saw at the drugstore. At the encouragement of my mother, I was coy.
Soon the word was out in the little town of my youth, and everyone started sporting sleek locks. I had to come up with new ways to out-groom the competition.
Flash forward years later.
Katy Perry...Better as a Brunette source: timeinc.com
Now in a more humid city in the northeastern United States, I struggled with keeping my hair smooth and soft when it would rain. An hour or more of diligent styling work ruined when it drizzled.
Not to mention the perils of the pool or beach, where I would zealously avoid getting in the water…lest my hair “start curling up” like Kristin Cavallari mentioned on an episode of MTV’s The Hills.
Then I discovered another life-changer: thermal reconditioning. With 3-8 hours of sitting in a hairstylist’s chair, along with a bit of a financial investment too, I could have product-free low-maintenance perfect hair for months. That would retain its softness, rain or shine. That would give me an extra hour of sleep back in the morning or during evenings going out.
Another thing I do is put different color tinges in my hair from time to time. It’s fun to play with color and how that can transform you too. I am often questioned about the exact shade I use by girls. (I also ask girls where they got highlights done when they’re really good. It’s a girl thing right?)
You know you’re standing out in a good way when copycats start to spring up around you. When you’re not the only girl with that cute fringe of bangs any more. Time for the next move…
It’s like there’s a race to discover the latest beauty or style “trick” to look better, and stand out just that little extra millimeter (or centimeter).
Lady Gaga is known for standing out through her style source: msn.co.nz
Perfect cut and colored hair, perfect blushing cheeks, perfect glossily pouty lips, perfectly lush eyelashes… with perfect legs in the right jeans, a perfect bust in the right colored top, perfect posture in not-quite-slutty heels, and perfect sparkly earrings.
As they say, good grooming is to beauty the way a good setting is to a diamond. I would add that styling is the art of knowing how to mold beauty the right way. And the greatest power comes from knowing how to do so, uniquely.
Note: “Peacocking” done by guys can include similar obsession over uniquely stirking hair. I never knew what Guidos were until MTV’s Jersey Shore, but once I saw the hair I knew exactly what we types of people we were talking about. :-) Pauly D may look like he stuck his finger in an electrical socket, but you definitely don’t miss seeing him.
I fetishize professional men between the ages of 40 and 50 because I can act simultaneously as their sexual object and escape from their dreary life, which really makes me the holder of a kind of “holy ’sexual power’ grail.” It is at once thrilling, terrifying, and awesome. Nabbing one isn’t hard. Here are some options.
1. Craigslist – A goldmine for both freaks and serious prospects. It’s a process that lets you be selective and choose from the best of the best if you aren’t entitled to it. 20 year old ass is 20 year old ass after all.
2. Bars that serve overpriced martinis – These are the kind of places where you will be bought drinks by rich, older douchebags. But, they’ll also be douchebags. They’ll also probably buy you something disgusting like a classic martini (overrated), to be pretentious and put on pompous airs about it. You also have to be sure this exchange doesn’t initially involve sex. Hold out, make them do the chase, the process is the same. They have to earn your 20 year old ass.
3. Class – One word: professors.
Places you don’t want to find older men:
1. Ashley Madison
Note: no actual real life research went into this article.
In lieu of an actual post, an article published from the National Post on Tuesday. To be honest, I’m surprised a major Canadian national newspaper printed this. The comments section is horrific, and an accurate representation of the false beliefs and shaming language most people operate under.
National Post Editorial Board: Women’s Studies is still with us
If the reports are to be believed, Women’s Studies programs are disappearing at many Canadian universities. Forgive us for being skeptical. We would wave good-bye without shedding a tear, but we are pretty sure these angry, divisive and dubious programs are simply being renamed to make them appear less controversial
The radical feminism behind these courses has done untold damage to families, our court systems, labour laws, constitutional freedoms and even the ordinary relations between men and women.
Women’s Studies courses have taught that all women–or nearlyall– are victims and nearly all men are victimizers. Their professors have argued, with some success, that rights should be granted not to individuals alone, but to whole classes of people, too. This has led to employment equity — hiring quotas based on one’s gender or race rather than on an objective assessment of individual talents.
Executives, judges and university students must now sit through mandatory diversity training. Divorcing men find they lose their homes and access to their children, and must pay much of their income to their former spouses (then pay tax on the income they no longer have) largely because Women’s Studies activists convinced politicians that family law was too forgiving of men. So now a man entering court against a woman finds the deck stacked against him, thanks mostly to the radical feminist jurisprudence that found it roots and nurture in Women’s Studies.
The equality protection before and under the law, granted to all Canadians regardless of race, sex, creed or origin, has been eroded because feminist legal scholars convinced the Supreme Court to permit preferential treatment for “traditionally disadvantaged groups,” chief among whom, they contend, are women.
Over the years, Women’s Studies scholars have argued all heterosexual sex is oppression because its “penetrative nature” amounts to “occupation.” They have insisted that no male author had any business writing novels from women’s perspectives; although, interestingly, they have not often argued the converse — that female writers must avoid telling men’s stories.
They have pushed for universal daycare and mandatory government-run kindergarten, advocated higher taxes to pay for vast new social entitlements and even put forward the notion that the only differences between males and females are “relatively insignificant, external features.” All other differences are said to be the result of patriarchal brainwashing. So the only way to ensure gender equality is to turn over all education to the state, where professionals can ensure only unbiased instruction.
In sum, there would be little of rational worth left even if Women’s Studies were to disappear. Yet despite all the hand-wringing by the programs’ supporters, are the worst elements of Women’s programs really disappearing or just being renamed? Are the professors different? Has the basic philosophy behind the program changed? Has the curriculum been altered?
In most cases the answer is no. Little has changed but the nomenclature.
While we’d like to cheer and say “Good riddance,” we’re certain such celebration would be premature.
Read original article: http://www.nationalpost.com/story.html?id=2484139#ixzz0dy1yZjIM
Grandmothers, mothers, friends, nieces, and their male equivalents around the world probably know the saying, “Food is the way to a man’s heart.”
Cooking something, almost anything, seems to endear most men to the she-chef in charge. If a girl prepares food and serves it lovingly to man, it seems highly likely that he will be clearly delighted and pleased.
But what about the girls who cook their way to rejection?
Maybe you’ve heard guys mention things like, “I hooked up with this chick during my dry spell. She really liked me but I just had to end it. She was great though… she would always wake up early to cook me a full breakfast.” Maybe you’ve heard the girl side of this type of situation.
Giada DeLaurentis source:rightcelebrity.com
Cooking is Caring
There is advice out there that advises women not cook for a man until the relationship is fairly established. And only as a very special treat. If at all.
Are these ridiculous “playing hard to get” games? Feminist propaganda?
Or do some women put their heart and soul into cooking, and feel disappointed when he doesn’t reciprocate the way she wants?
It seems like cooking should be done in the spirit of caring for a man, preferably in relationship on the path to commitment.
If a guy doesn’t like a girl’s look and personality, or he just isn’t in serious relationship mode… cooking won’t fire up a passion that hasn’t sparked.
Treating Cooking with Contempt
It’s interesting to observe how married couples in their 20s and 30s treat cooking today. For example:
Husband: <over the phone> Hey could you get started on dinner since you stayed in today? Everyone will be hungry when we get back from skiing.
Wife: <guffaws> You want me to what? Yeah right… if you guys are hungry you can cook yourselves something. You’re grown men.<cackles>
Padma Lakshmi source:villagevoice.com
……………………………………………………..
Guy: <probing> I heard you keep a fresh pot pie ready for when your husband comes home, every day.
Friend’s Wife: <slack-jawed in disbelief> Are you kidding? I don’t cook anything. I’m so hungry when I get home so I eat right away. I usually don’t need dinner after that. And then he comes home and complains about being hungry. But I already ate, you know? Sometimes I cook, but it’s SO MUCH WORK.
Exceptional women do exist, who proudly manage cooking duty and their households in general.
Unfortunately the above scenarios are what one seems to find quite frequently in contemporary wives: asking a woman to cook is like giving a misogynistic slap to the face.
Nigella Lawson source:fashionrat.com
Even if cooking is the way to a man’s heart, do all men feel the same about it? There seem to be two camps: men who grew up with mothers who cooked regularly, and men who didn’t.
Men who grew up with traditional mothers seem to value (and sometimes expect) their significant others to cook and clean. That’s what they’re used to, and they probably like it too.
Men who didn’t grow up with regular homemade meals might not care if a girl cooks. In my limited experience, guys like this are fine with takeout, delivery, and prepared food. They might even dissuade a girl from cooking once they try it out – it’s not like the possibly over-spiced and over-rich restaurant food they’ve developed a taste for.
And then there are the men who love to cook and do so often. :-) Allez cuisine!
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GirlGame Book Review
A couple handfuls of people voted, and the winner by a small margin was Sherry Argov’s “Why Men Love Bitches.” The sequel to that book, “Why Men Marry Bitches,” is supposedly “better.” I’ll plan to post reviews of both in a couple of weeks. If you wish to whet your appetite in the meantime:
It’s ALL about sex. Think about it. We’re surrounded by it, frustrated by it or lack of it, either hoping we’ll get more, or less or could admit what we really really want. (insert Spice Girl mantra in your head).
Even those of us (not me) with pure minds really want it. We’re driven biologically to want it. We’re driven by the pleasure of it – it feels good. We’re curious about it from our earliest ages. We are raised to feel different things about it depending on our culture and/or our families of origin. Some of us feel more shame for desiring it than others. It’s made out to be an ugly thing – dirty – base – animal like. Others are free-spirited and don’t impose limitations – more of a hedonistic approach. Regardless of how we’ve been taught to feel about it most of us want it.
I was exposed in my early teens to explicit sexual materials in a home I babysat at. They left stacks of soft-porn (Playboy) in the living room. Always insatiably curious I read to my heart’s content. The kids were under two and went to bed early which gave me hours of reading pleasure. My sexual life was in some ways shaped by their openness. I looked at pictures but my curiosity was most satisfied by the articles. That’s likely a girl thing. I fell in love with the female form and looked forward to the day when my body would look like the centerfolds. When I look back I can see that I was left untainted in regards to my demeanor. I didn’ t want to dress like a slut – didn’t cross my mind in fact. Course my dad would have killed me if I’d even tried. It more or less freed me to view sex as normal. I didn’t think in terms of the women as sexual objects yet I realized they were loved for their exteriors and yes even their innocence. Even in Playboy stories it was quite clear a man wanted to conquer the woman – not the other way ’round.
At the age of fourteen I grew very aware of men’s eyes on my body. I was slim but had an hourglass figure even then. I loved the attention but didn’t covet it. I was protected by the security of a loving family and didn’t have to seek ‘love’ elsewhere. I enjoyed being the object of lust. I didn’t have to do anything more than be a girl to get it either. Now that I’m well out of my teens I see the glow they give – the health, the vitality, the sexuality. Even the plainest girls are made beautiful by youth.
Where was I? Oh ya - sex. Sex is a driving force, right up there with food and shelter. We try to make it much higher in the hierarchy and talk intellectually about it, trying to grasp some deeper meaning. But sex is just sex. Why make it more than it is? Here it is in a nutshell: For women sex is a marketable asset. Being innocent (or mostly) is a good thing and valued by some men who capture it. For men getting sex is a sign of wealth. The more difficult it is to obtain the more valuable it is. Girls I advise you to make it worth something when you sell it. This girl auctioned off her virgininty and reportedly the bids were at 3.7 million, although Wikipidia reports that guy had to back out because his wife was dissatisfied with the arrangement. No duh. Last word was she was giving it up for $1,0oo,000. Now that’s an interesting concept. Can you sell renewed vows of chastity? Hmmmmm.
So let’s talk about sex Bae-B. Let’s talk ABOUT sex. Ladies, all the ladies now, help me out. Ladies, louder now, help me out. Let’s talk about sex. Let’s talk about all the good and bad things. Let’s talk about sex. You too gentlemen.
Guys going into their “caves” can be incredibly puzzling to girls.
Everything seems to be going fine, and all of a sudden he will disappear or become aloof .
The Spearhead’s article on the cave described this phenomenon. A mainstream author also has an interesting psychobabbly take:
The cave describes the time when a man pulls away to distract himself from a stress in his life. A woman may interpret cave behavior as her partner ignoring her on purpose; this is natural because, often, when in the cave, a man will occupy himself with activities that seem to have nothing to do with the issue at hand. The rubber band describes the natural intimacy cycle of a man and can slightly mimic cave behavior, though in this case he’s close and attentive then suddenly distant and uninterested. When in a loving relationship, a man needs to carve out time for himself so that he can regain his independence and self-worth.
[Note: isn't it interesting "rubberband" sounds like a popular PUA technique to keep her interested? And the "wave" described in the link sounds like sh*ttesting? Both were described by this author in the 1990s-early 2000s.]
Is this what he's really thinking about in his "cave"? source: blogs.myspace.com/ johnstonecountry
Whether he needs some “me-time” to think, is running some PUA style hot-and-cold Game, or isn’t into her any more, a girl needs to figure out what’s going on.
We girls don’t have a lot of time to waste on dead-ends. Find a guy who wants to commit to you who you love back. If he’s not serious about you, move on ASAP.
What should a girl do?
- Should she demand an explanation why he seems to be ignoring her?
- Should she call/text him so he doesn’t think she’s “playing games?”
- Should she leave him alone and patiently wait for him to take the lead again? How long is reasonable if she feels abandoned?
- If she waits for him, should she act like nothing happened or acknowledge it?
For brevity, I’ve discussed my “field-tested experiences” here. Almost always, if I reached out first and asked him why he disappeared, I’d eventually get an earful of his criticisms of me. Sometimes for the first time ever, sometimes just in expanded form. *Without fail.* Why he didn’t just tell me that stuff bothered him, who knows. And he felt totally fine staying in the dark about my life.
Your turn: what should girls do when he disappears? When should she stick it out, and when should she just cut and run?
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GirlGame Books Discussion
Some say GirlGame advice out there is awful and generally worthless. Some say GirlGame advice doesn’t really exist, or isn’t nearly as thorough as BoyGame.
Let’s objectively review the GirlGame advice out there and how it is (or isn’t) being used. We’ll start with books, since those still have the largest collective audience.
I’ll try to 1) summarize the major points, 2) point out the controversial stuff, 3) assess the book’s impact and pervasiveness.
First review will be in 1-2 weeks. Please vote for your preference!
Image credit: Frost144 @ Photobucket
The Alpha male, biologically-speaking, is the highest-ranking male in a social group.
He is:
- The man with whom the most females would like to mate
He is not:
- God
- A leader of men in and of itself (if he is a leader of men, he is a leader of men that the most females would like to mate with)
- Really, really rich in and of itself (if he is rich, he uses said wealth to ensure he is a rich man that many females would like to mate with)
- Morally superior (if anything, he’s morally inferior and more tethered to basal desires)
- “Better” or “smarter” than beta males (he is more sexually desirable — if anything, this means he has more testosterone and less of the smarts)
- A good, upstanding citizen of society (at least, this is very unlikely)
It is unfortunate that, in the PUA/Game sphere, people have begun to extrapolate the definition of the Alpha male past biology and into some over-analyzed, existential nonsense. While this may have merit in certain areas, it has none in the area of male-female sexual dynamics. Many men forget that they usually cannot aspire to be both Alpha and “a good guy.”
That is all.
–
Other articles that have tackled the definition of the Alpha Male:
Aoefe’s “Alpha Male as Defined by a GIRL”
Jack Donovan’s “Alphas, Male Hierarchy and the Form”
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Everyone should check out this great article at The Spearhead:
“Shifting the Goalposts” by Epoxytocin No. 87
I went to the gym tonight. I walked into the change room to get my gear on and two chicks hovered around the sinks and mirror. As soon as I walked in they gave me the once over and could see they quickly dismissed me. It pleased me. These girls looked club ready. They had make-up on so thick you’d couldn’t kiss skin if you tried. Their hair was perfectly teased and skins fakely tanned. They were on the prowl. My yoga pants weren’t painted on, my top wasnt cut off at the ribs and my hair was tied in pigtails . I was there to work out.
With interest I watched what they did on the floor and to see how they were treated. Funny enough they were largely ignored. They didn’t work out much, mostly they lingered by machines with the largest amount of men in the vicinity. If there were number exchanges I didn’t witness it but it wouldn’t have been for anything more than a quick round of sexual olympics. Every man in there must have known they’d go ten rounds with Mike T. and then be back at the gym for more.
If you think this is bitterness think again. I had my share of second looks and the chick I was with who is ten years younger and ten times hotter got many more. We looked fresh-faced, appropriately dressed and were obviously there to work out as we ran beside each other on treadmills. Knowing what I’ve learned about men I knew my girl friend and I appealed to men sexually but from the girl next-door palace, not the slut hole. We were the type men could smile at and wonder about approach. Those other girls were obviously easy the only decision was whether to bang them today or tomorrow.
What message are you giving off? Those girls may in fact be very sweet and would be surprised at how I and others perceive them. Are you that girl? Practically every situation calls for a certain dress code. It may even be subtle. I’m not saying be the same as everybody else – that would be boring. I am asking you what tasteful looks like in situations you’re in. Are you the only woman in your group to wear low-cut tops and belly baring, thong revealing jeans? Do you think this makes you hip? Worse do you think that makes you attractive for a long-term relationship?
‘Nuff said.
trashy.com
UPDATE: The last major mass gift-giving event was just last month, and sofia’s thoughts on Christmas Shopping were great (commenters had some good ideas too). Never too early to get ready for the next mass gift holiday, Valentine’s Day….
It’s interesting to see what girls give guys on different occasions. Observing the reactions of men along with reviewing some different guidelines out there, it seems that:
bittertonic.com
Guys tend to like manly gifts, not girly ones. Flower bouquets, sexy couture sweaters, and pretty cupcakes are probably not what he wants from Cupid, the Tooth Fairy, Santa or you.
I’ve seen girls give men long-stem roses on Valentine’s Day and fashionable outfits on birthdays.
I’ve seen girls give prettily-decorated baked goods to men who don’t like fussy desserts.
I’ve seen girls elaborately wrap gifts, which the men then rip through, flippantly tossing the shreds of paper into the trash.
XMAS may be over but gift-giving is always in season... coedmagazine.com
I’m sure these gestures were appreciated by the male recipients, but these girls weren’t winning any extra points. The girls seemed to be thinking of themselves rather than the recipient: what they’d like to get (roses), wish he’d use (clothes), or used as a pretense to see him again (surprise cupcakes).
A few important principles to follow with any gifts:
Gifts should be appropriate to the closeness of the relationship.
Gifts should balance what the giver wishes to give, and what the recipient would likely want.
I tend to find mass market advice too vague and overly consumerist, so here are my suggestions by stage:
STAGE |
GIFT SUGGESTIONS |
| Dating(“getting to know”) |
~Keep it simple, not too expensive, and don’t spend too much time preparing it.~ |
| Relationship(exclusive “boyfriend-girlfriend”) | Any of the Dating suggestions above; taking extra steps with cost and/or effort is fine:
~Don’t go overboard, but feel free to step things up.~ |
| Commitment(marriage or serious LTR) | Any of the Dating and Relationship suggestions above; feel free to go as far as you want now:
~Go ahead and treat him like a king. But do it all year long, not just on special occasions.~ |
Some gifts not recommended unless you are sure he buys it for himself and wants more, AND you are comfortable giving it: male grooming products, male “lingerie,” flowers and plants, spa treatments, kitchen or home items, picture frames or scrapbooks, a quilt you stitched by hand, lap dances from strippers, etc.
LILGRL
sofia
lovelysexybeauty
Bhetti
aoefe
Hope
