Shunning Perfection, Embracing Uniqueness
You don’t have to be perfect. You can’t be perfect. Nobody is.
We are constantly faced with the examples of other women and how we compare to them. Studying Girl Game, we are also faced by ideals of what a perfect female partner should aspire to be and what a beautiful woman should be.
Changing too much about you is unrealistic and can be counter-productive. Here’s the approach you need to adopt:
- Be honest with yourself, your nature and your limits.
- Avoid the failure cycle: You can aim too high and too soon. You find yourself unable to achieve your ambitious goal as your initial motivation fails and you feel like you have failed. This may lead to even more bigger, ambitious goals to compensate for the failures, which will again be less achievable, which again will merit even more ambitious compensation. The probability of achieving what you want lessens. So does the level of your belief in yourself. If you didn’t manage a goal, set yourself a lower one. Take it slowly and surely; you’ll get there in the end.
- You need to develop long-term sustainable habits and regular routines — not short-term, ambitious and unsustainable temporary band-aid fixes. For example: with a diet, make a permanent, healthy minor change, rather than rapid weight loss.
- You have limited time and energy. Prioritise. Understand what is it about you that needs the most attention and focus on that. The first minimum effort is to focus on a healthy exercise and diet. This is the first priority before other aspects of your self: firstly, a healthy body gives you a healthy mind and soul. You have more energy and stay youthful; you’re buying time. Secondly, there is theoretically an infinite variation of male preferences. As long as you meet his threshold for physical attractiveness, you can find a man that matches your perspective on life and admires you, somewhere on this planet.
- Stay unique. Remember what makes you special. You can play to your strengths. You can ameliorate your weaknesses. You can be the better version of yourself. However, don’t exchange who you are for a different version that makes an uncomfortable fit. Don’t change unless you’re convinced you should. You are at your best when you are natural.
Let me re-emphasise the last point. There is something about you that is unique: do not downplay it, play it up. In order to permanently tie a man to you, he must be thinking ‘Whoa. I will never meet someone like her ever again.’**
**(In a good way. Not in a ‘she is the biggest witch I have ever had the misfortune to meet’ way.)
What will make a man think this? It could be many things. It could be talents you have and interests you might share with him. It could be a genuine good nature. It could be aspects of your heritage or outlook on life. As part of prioritisation, working on what makes you you is definitely part of Girl Game. A woman who is truly at one with her nature, truly perfecting and improving it, truly finding pride in what makes her stand out in a good way.
Preserving the unique parts of you that are attractive to both you and others is also the most difficult skill; these facets make up a part of your overall gestalt. It’s so easy to lose who we are in attempting to fit blanket ideals of perfection. More than that, the instinctive desire to conform is so powerful as to occur without being consciously notable. This is demonstrated every day in the way we change little affectations in our speech or manner.
Yet, what’s truly fascinating and compelling is what is found to be new, unexpected, exotic or refreshing. This can’t quite be captured in any rule.
Let me leave you with these thoughts. Yes, you are capable of so much more than you think you are. Do aspire. However, remember: aspiring sincerely and strategically is much more important than the ambitious goals you set yourself.