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Guys Don’t Like to Get Flowers (updated)

January 12, 2010

trashy.com

UPDATE:  The last major mass gift-giving event was just last month, and sofia’s thoughts on Christmas Shopping were great (commenters had some good ideas too).  Never too early to get ready for the next mass gift holiday, Valentine’s Day….

It’s interesting to see what girls give guys on different occasions.  Observing the reactions of men along with reviewing some different guidelines out there, it seems that:

bittertonic.com

Guys tend to like manly gifts, not girly ones.  Flower bouquets, sexy couture sweaters, and pretty cupcakes are probably not what he wants from Cupid, the Tooth Fairy, Santa or you.

I’ve seen girls give men long-stem roses on Valentine’s Day and fashionable outfits on birthdays.

I’ve seen girls give prettily-decorated baked goods to men who don’t like fussy desserts.

I’ve seen girls elaborately wrap gifts, which the men then rip through, flippantly tossing the shreds of paper into the trash.

XMAS may be over but gift-giving is always in season... coedmagazine.com

I’m sure these gestures were appreciated by the male recipients, but these girls weren’t winning any extra points.  The girls seemed to be thinking of themselves rather than the recipient:  what they’d like to get (roses), wish he’d use (clothes), or used as a pretense to see him again (surprise cupcakes).

A few important principles to follow with any gifts:

Gifts should be appropriate to the closeness of the relationship.

Gifts should balance what the giver wishes to give, and what the recipient would likely want.

I tend to find mass market advice too vague and overly consumerist, so here are my suggestions by stage:

STAGE
GIFT SUGGESTIONS
Dating(“getting to know”)
  • A cap, shirt, or other simple item related to his favorite sports team
  • A simple and easily available item related to a hobby of his (golf balls, camping knife, mass market book, etc.)
  • A generic gift card for Amazon, Starbucks, Apple, etc.
  • A generic unisex gift you would give to a co-worker or neighbor (candy, pen set, desk game, etc.)

~Keep it simple, not too expensive, and don’t spend too much time preparing it.~

Relationship(exclusive “boyfriend-girlfriend”) Any of the Dating suggestions above; taking extra steps with cost and/or effort is fine:

  • A nice jersey or other expensive sports item of his favorite team
  • A nice or expensive item related to a hobby of his (top of the line golf balls, a toy replica of his favorite car, etc.)
  • A clothing item that is just the type he likes (cufflinks, scarf, shirt and tie, sweater, funny t-shirt or boxers, etc.)
  • Something electronic and cool that he doesn’t already have (Brookstone and Bose type of stuff)
  • Tickets to something he enjoys (sports game, concert, play, etc.)
  • A nice home-cooked dinner or picnic with his favorite dishes

~Don’t go overboard, but feel free to step things up.~

Commitment(marriage or serious LTR) Any of the Dating and Relationship suggestions above; feel free to go as far as you want now:

  • A rare and hard-to-find sports collector item that he’d like
  • VIP tickets to see his favorite team or musical artist
  • A rare and hard-to-find hobby item that doesn’t indirectly emasculate him (i.e., an item he can’t afford but you can)
  • If you are a poet, songstress, or artist and wish to create a monument of your love for him, this is the safest stage to do so
  • A day of fun:  wake him up with kisses (first on the mouth, then down [b]low ;-))… delicious breakfast in bed… massage… some more birthday shh the way he likes it… etc.

~Go ahead and treat him like a king.  But do it all year long, not just on special occasions.~

Some gifts not recommended unless you are sure he buys it for himself and wants more, AND you are comfortable giving it: male grooming products, male “lingerie,” flowers and plants, spa treatments, kitchen or home items, picture frames or scrapbooks, a quilt you stitched by hand, lap dances from strippers, etc.

29 Comments leave one →
  1. January 12, 2010 3:48 am

    great list, LSB, but – coedmagazine.com?? i know what you’re doing in your down time…bahaha.

  2. January 12, 2010 10:31 am

    Sofia – lol. By the way I need to link this back to your post on gifts from a few weeks ago – and update to cupid themed pics… V Day is one month away! Soon as I get my computer back… grrr hate being computerless and don’t want to risk it with my work one

  3. msexceptiontotherule permalink
    January 12, 2010 11:40 am

    Hmmm….so it’s not a bad thing to give a Milwaukee power drill for valentine’s day then? Provided that the guy has a use for one that is…

    :)

  4. January 12, 2010 1:18 pm

    lovelysexybeauty

    Guys tend to like manly gifts, not girly ones.

    You’re so sharp.
    I must have you.

  5. January 12, 2010 1:48 pm

    I gave a guy flowers once, but I was deliberately messing with him, lol.

  6. January 12, 2010 2:01 pm

    he outgamed you.
    giving him
    tulips for
    his organ
    is a male
    victory

  7. Il Capo permalink
    January 12, 2010 4:52 pm

    so it’s not a bad thing to give a Milwaukee power drill for valentine’s day then?

    Tools can be a touchy issue for some guys. Yes, it is a good gift, but you should know the brand and model he prefers. If he’s been longing for a Dewalt or Makita drill and ends up getting a Ryobi, he may like it but will end up having a product he feels is not the best while making it harder for him to buy the right one.

    If he’s a musician and you are considering gifting an instrument, then the effect is multiplied x 100. Never buy a guy a specific instrument unless you know it’s the one he loves.

  8. January 12, 2010 6:36 pm

    The two topmost images on the post are broken. I’m only seeing blank squares.

  9. January 12, 2010 8:17 pm

    You know when I see V Day it makes me think of VD….ya that’s accurate. I hate the holiday – always did.

  10. January 12, 2010 8:18 pm

    You give him a Venus Flytrap – it signifies Maneater.

  11. Bob permalink
    January 12, 2010 8:39 pm

    Probably better to avoid giving a guy tools. Besides the reasons stated above by Il Capo, it’s the equivalent of him buying you new dishes – sure, you might enjoy cooking, but he’s giving something you use to do work.

    Same with neckties, by the way.

    Problem is, when most guys want something, they either buy it or decide they can’t afford it. It makes gift-giving tough.

    If you aren’t lucky enough to be dating a guy with some kind of collector hobby, and can’t find a good book or movie he hasn’t already bought for himself, trying *doing* something instead of giving. Think back to when you were six, and gave your mom a coupon for one complaint-free night of doing dishes for her. Give him a pack of coupons for making his favorite meal, giving him a massage, doing those things in bed he doesn’t normally have the nerve to ask for, that sort of thing.

    If I could, I would love a “get out of jail free” card that lets me skip a visit to my lover’s parents… but I doubt a date-breaking coupon fits with the theme here.

  12. gunslingergregi permalink
    January 13, 2010 4:06 am

    ”””””’2010 January 12 msexceptiontotherule permalink
    Hmmm….so it’s not a bad thing to give a Milwaukee power drill for valentine’s day then? Provided that the guy has a use for one that is…

    :)

    ”””””””

    Works for me since my new hobby is gonna be some carpentry action.

    ””””””””””’~Go ahead and treat him like a king. But do it all year long, not just on special occasions.~
    ”””””””””””””

    Exactly it should be all the time that he gets to be a king he he he

    But yea I usually don’t go for the holiday stuff since me being with a woman and them having my physical presence is like them getting christmas every day he he he

    Plus I do the romantic stuff or the gifts spontaneously not under the gun to the head moves normally or they are more like gifts that last forever.

    Like the chick I got pregnant who got the gift that keeps on giving lol

    She gets to keep a piece of me forever I get to have some genes out there I guess.

    She claims she will not seek anything from me and that it will give her something to remember me by.

    She is divorcing her husband to raise my kid by herself lol

    I guess I am just that alpha.

  13. January 13, 2010 4:08 am

    I’ve gotten both flowers and chocolate candies, and I liked it. Beats the crap out of a cap, giftcard, or god forbid, cufflinks (half my shirts are french cuff, but I don’t want some chick picking my goddamned cufflinks). I mean, it’s a little weird getting girlie declaration of wub gifts, but total bragging rights over my schmuck pals who never got such things.

  14. gunslingergregi permalink
    January 13, 2010 4:31 am

    But not alpha enough to get her to have an abortion.

    Oh well she did think outside the box on the not making me pay shit.

    Hopefully what aoefe brought up about the alcohol syndrome thing at roissies hasn’t happened yet. She quite smoking and drinking at this point. I guess she will find out if it is fucked or not.

    I told her I don’t want the kid and that there was plenty of time to have an abortion and that it was her having it so therefore her responsibility.

    Apparently she really wants a half white kid who is as smart as me. I tried to warn her that if it was a boy she would not be able to treat him like her own kids. He would not just blindly obey. I relayed the story of when I was in fourth grade and broke my parents of hitting me lol Stood at the kitchen sink and wouldn’t do dishes period. I said at that age it was my moms job and womans work.

    Also trying to insinuate what will happen if she tries to fuck me on the one of the things in life I feel extremely strong about. Which of course would be child support for a kid I don’t want to support.

    So I guess I fucked up but I must admit that it is intrigueing to have a woman who wants to raise my kid so bad even though I will not be there. Wild stuff. I guess the future will tell if she is bullshitting on the no support part.

    Still going to be cuttin out in a few days hopefully.

  15. gunslingergregi permalink
    January 13, 2010 4:44 am

    Wierd part to story. I guess the housework thing is a myth. I mean she said her husband used to cook and clean and work two jobs and ate the pussy.

    For me she works two jobs cooks and cleans and serves me and I don’t eat her pussy (that is reserved for woman I marry) he he he.

    And the guy whose kid she is begging for and willing to throw the other guy away for is me.

    Life is funny ain’t it.

    Beginning to wonder if I should treat my wife as well as I do. Naa we are in love he he he

  16. MsExceptionToTheRule permalink
    January 13, 2010 6:48 am

    gunz:

    mmmmhhmmmm, I’m about to switch on the lojack you had no idea I installed on your ass (not literally) and come wash that mouth out with soap!

    While I’m there, I might as well bring you a few choices of contracts to use as evidence of her wishes regarding the legal responsibility she’s telling you she won’t hold you to *in writing*, which at the very least would prove that she stated the child would be her responsibility to support – can you talk her into putting “unknown” on the father’s name part of the birth certificate? Otherwise you’ll have to hope that you get a judge who won’t just tell you that “well, this was signed before, and obviously there’s been a change in her circumstances where she now needs you to pay child support”.

    and I’d like one of those nail guns, or a better sodering iron. That reminds me, I need to figure out where my engraving tool went.

  17. gunslingergregi permalink
    January 13, 2010 7:07 am

    ”””””While I’m there, I might as well bring you a few choices of contracts to use as evidence of her wishes regarding the legal responsibility she’s telling you she won’t hold you to *in writing*, which at the very least would prove that she stated the child would be her responsibility to support – can you talk her into putting “unknown” on the father’s name part of the birth certificate?”””””’

    Yea a contract would help I think as better than having nothing but he said she said later. Her plan is to put kid of the unknown father.

  18. gunslingergregi permalink
    January 13, 2010 7:09 am

    ”””””and I’d like one of those nail guns, or a better sodering iron. That reminds me, I need to figure out where my engraving tool went.””””””’

    This might instill a better reminder than the soap if used properly he he he

  19. gunslingergregi permalink
    January 13, 2010 7:12 am

    Although I suppose if I paid child support I would then have no reason not to impregnate half the worlds population. Could be win win.

  20. gunslingergregi permalink
    January 13, 2010 8:30 am

    Ok I might need soap for the last one.

  21. January 13, 2010 10:57 am

    I was just thinking over the times my mom tried to “gift” my dad a new jacket to replace his well-worn in one. He never liked the new one – he liked the one he was used to wearing, with its frayed hems and dirt marks. I guess he was really attached to it…

    From my personal experience, adult guys don’t react with the same enthusiasm to gifts as women and children (incl. boys) do. I agree that most men buy the things they really want on their own if they can afford it, Bob.

    Msexception – That’s a pretty good idea :-)

    But agree with Il Capo that if it’s some sort of specialized hobby, it’s better to know what you’re getting is in line with what he needs/wants. I would probably give more like supplies for it (really good golf balls) rather than a main part of the hobby (top of the line golf clubs).

  22. January 13, 2010 11:29 am

    I don’t like receiving gifts much. The best ones are cheap, inventive, and don’t take much time to consume.

    GOOD GIFTS
    - homecooked food
    - a little notebook with endearing pictures and notes she’s scrawled
    - spontanteous dressing up for sex in an outfit she’s secretly bought
    - *best ever gift I got* on my birthday, interupting my shower to come unannounced into the cubicle dressed in a bikini, immediate blowjob to completion (no kissing or talking), then quietly leave and pretend nothing ever happened. I think we didn’t even make eye contact.
    - *second best gift* She did a photoshoot in sexy clothes just for me and surprised me with a series of A4 prints. (this girl was a model)

    BAD GIFTS
    - Books. Too long to read.
    - Clothes. Very rare exceptions (one girl intuitively knew what I’d buy myself)
    - Anything that has very specialised taste that she wouldn’t really know. For example, you shouldn’t by a man an Xbox game that he hasn’t specifically named.

    Too many girl gifts are passive-aggressive attempts at behaviour modification: I think you should dress like this, I think you should go here, I think you should learn this…. blah blah….nag nag.

    The purpose of a gift is not to indenture the recipient.

  23. msexceptiontotherule permalink
    January 14, 2010 11:19 am

    The key to success when you’re out looking to buy something along the lines of my earlier suggestion is writing yourself a note when they mention specifics; the mr was explaining what kinds of things I should look for in power tools (a drill specifically) and towards the end he expressed that he liked a particular brand but hadn’t gotten around to replacing his old one – so I did. It required asking a lot of questions and hoping that he wouldn’t suddenly find the time after all the effort I went to over it. But I also keep notes on things that my family and friends mention, so that I have ideas for birthdays and xmas that are useful for the ones that want useful items and fun presents for the ones who don’t want useful.

  24. January 14, 2010 4:06 pm

    Luckily, my guy likes typical boy-things:

    Clothes
    Shoes
    Jewelry (rings, bracelets, etc.)

    I, on the other hand, like typical girl things:

    Video games
    Computers
    Football stuff

    Haha, I’m kidding, he likes football stuff and food, too.

    He says he loves homecooked food, but the look of utter adoration he gives me when I present him with such is the same as the look of utter adoration he bestows upon waiters/take-out window people/delivery guys/guys who work behind the deli counter at the grocery store/vending machines…

    (The look is best described as: “[You/He/She/It] gave me food…I love [you/him/her/it].” It’s cute to watch him adore a vending machine.)

  25. January 14, 2010 8:41 pm

    LILGRL: That’s it. You’ve mentioned it too many times. You must now…
    VIDEOTAPE IT.

  26. January 14, 2010 8:58 pm

    he liked a particular brand but hadn’t gotten around to replacing his old one

    Niceee one! That sounds like a great way to gift a guy – it doesn’t emasculate him, doesn’t put him in the awkward position of having substandard junk, and it probably does come across as thoughtful.

    Not seeing any negatives… And that’s a little easier than krauserpua’s mm, wild ones (nice list tho).

  27. January 22, 2010 8:48 am

    Hahaaa!!! Tactical aproach towards man’s masculinity, strategy, prepping and tuning your guy to gain as much as many cuddles, compliments, orgasms, support, patience… what not. Cool web site!

    As a guy in his mid 20′s I have to disagree about almost any choice of gift mentioned here. I personaly believe a gift symbolises a connection between two people, sends a message. Yes, there are generic meaningless ritual gifts… but I would think twice giving those to my lover.
    I select gifts depending on what my lover likes/dislikes or sometimes experiment. I like to ask, I prefer being asked.

    *****I dont like sports, I dont like clothes as gifts, I dont like tech stuff, I dont like flowers.*****

    I am very picky about what I like, my lifestyle is very exploratory and always meaningful to me. I prefer being asked, not given generic stereotype enveloped gift. I will accept everything with curtesy but it sends me the message what kind of connection we have or we are establishing.

    I deffinetly like to be treated as a King and I work for my title. Girl wearing some new seductive perfume, clothes, lingerie, new play in bed, suprises… I love those gifts.

    I desire girls to act as my lover, not to stroke my intelectual/competitive ego with books I like, music, perfumes, watches, pens, etc. Giving me a jazz CD from a jazz artist I adore is about me and only me. You wearing my gift or doing something we both like is about us. It doesnt have to be about sex. Two tickets for a travel destination we talked about going but no one initiated it. Or humorous gifts, jokes, pranks… or experimental stuff. Why not?

    Why a damn sports jersey????

  28. tannen permalink
    January 31, 2010 8:28 pm

    “”I think you should dress like this, I think you should go here, I think you should learn this…. blah blah….nag nag.””

    Huge turnoff, you’re not my mother, don’t act like her. If a woman pulls this shite with me, she’s on notice. This is only done so that the woman will feel better about herself, and you dear schmuck boyfriend, are the vehice she drives to achieve her own happiness. It’s not done for your benefit at all. The better she feels about you correlates directly to the shittier you feel knowing you are well and truly whipped.

    For LTRs and husbands, no one has mentioned fine wine, beer or spirits. If I was with someone and she gave me a 25 yr old Laphroaig or fine vintage burgundy, I would be truly touched. Sourcing some exquisite moonshine (the good smooth stuff, not rotgut) would be outstanding too. Truly, the icing on the cake would be I she loved to enjoy it with me. A couple women I introduce Drambuie to thanked me for it long after we had parted ways.

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