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Test Results: Evaluating ‘The Approach’

April 20, 2011
by

373 people on helloquizzy.com have taken this test at the time of writing.

Women mostly scored Inviting Seductress, followed by The One In Denial (the trait ‘MissBennetty’ is named after Pride and Prejudice’s Miss Bennets), followed by The Confused One, followed by the Tigress. I’m pleased to note noone really scored The Amazon.

For guys, this might be an interesting message to take away; she may find you attractive already even though she has sent very little positive signals your way. Don’t be put off by an initial lack of interest: Approach, approach, stick with it!

Initially, when I first set up the test, I linked it on roissy’s comments. At that point in time, more men scored Tigress than anything else, which was reasonably good news. The trend has now shifted to mirror the pattern of women at the time of writing.

More or less, I see a mixture of being positively inviting and aggressive as the best strategies to take in most situations.

I’d like to take this opportunity to reflect back on ‘A Test of Your Game’. There was a great range of responses there.

Not Approach: This is a variation of the ‘One in Denial’ strategy.

Hope

I would be very leery of approaching a guy like that for a long-term relationship. Guys like that have so many girls to choose from, they’ll likely be eternal bachelors. In fact when I was single I learned to not go for the good looking guys that all the girls were after. They were usually eyeing more attractive girls than me.

I always became acquainted with guys first, before showing any interest. The only exception to this was my first boyfriend. I was in high school and found him cute, and he approached me after I made numerous eye contact. That eventually turned into an awful relationship in which communication was nearly impossible. He was not that bad of a guy, but we weren’t compatible.

What I’m trying to say is that the chances of a guy being a good long-term material, when he’s good looking enough to pique your interest on looks alone, are not good, not good at all. So don’t go chasing after such men if you don’t want to get played or don’t want to just have a short fling. Never ever go after men on basis of their looks or status alone. Well, unless you have supermodel good looks (which I lack, so yeah).

I am pretty much in the camp of ‘Random dude: what do you really know about him?’, except I don’t think a man’s a player just because he’s attractive. That’s probably more true in a liberal climate.  There are some culturally specific circumstances in which I’d approach but not in this scenario.

Y

Personally I would [not] appraoch.

1. because Im too shy

2. If I were starting at a guy and he didnt so much as glance at me I would assume he is avoiding my gaze.

This, however, is a reason I disagree with. Clearly Y you’re very pretty and men would be interested. You should try something like what singlegirlie did if you’re too shy.

Passive approach: a variation of the Inviting approach

Tvuluture

Looking someone in the face and holding the gaze would close the distance between people and promote friendliness. Or at least let you know right away who isn’t going to be friendly. The trick is when you do look them in the face, you have to look friendly, not indignant or frozen. It’s not easy to be relaxed like that with a stranger, that’s why it’s tough. Tough for both men and women.

The famous Gaze. You’re not guaranteed he’ll bite at the bait. It’s worth a try. The easiest way is to look at him, then smile. You can always switch to more direct methods if he doesn’t bite. My mother would tell me the best way to do it is hold the gaze, then look away. This is in a society where women usually avoid looking at men directly. In that context, its a clear signal of interest. In this context? Probably not. I’d calibrate it up slowly so that he had a chance to check me out and feel I was interested before I talked to him.

Challenge

Outside? Ask for a light.

If he has it, say, “Oh, I don’t smoke.”

If he doesn’t, say, “That’s okay, I don’t smoke.”

Smile at him.

If he’s sly, he’ll get it. If he’s not, he’ll be confused.

Continue the conversation anyway. Ask him what’s so important that he had to leave us (your group) alone.

Interesting. I do think there’s a problem of him believing that she is wierd when she does it this way, especially if he does become confused which he may very easily be. The question about his private phonecall could seem hostile or too personal.

vomit

Wait for him to get off the phone. Walk up. Say hi.

That’s it.

A bit of a tease, where do you take it from there? Does he know you’re interested?  I do like its simplicity and it certainly works better than doing nothing. With shy girls, only having this prerehearsed will make them freeze after that hi.

Unusual Approach: a variation of being ‘Confused'; wouldn’t have put answers like these on the quiz.
Firepower

to snare a guy out there, you gotta distract his Girlfriend: hand lilgrl a mirror

heh! Showing up women in a man’s social group in indirect ways is something I’m sure some women have employed as a strategy.

Lovelysexybeauty

After texting your wingman the cue, you dawdle in front of your target. You make sure to give him a generous booty show (if you feel breath coming your way that means he is looking). You turn around and look back over your shoulder nonchalantly, briefly giving eye contact.

Just then your wingman arrives, as your target is perhaps is checking out your sideb00b view (your eyes had already turned to look behind him, seemingly for someone). Your wing then snatches your purse.

You struggle a bit with the “thief” but with your limited girlish strength it’s a struggle… Hair is flipping around… you are teetering on your heels…your dress is creeping up your thies… If your target doesn’t step in, perhaps your wing takes off running clumsily (on purpose of course). You yell (girlishly)…

This is your target’s last chance to hopefully jump in and chase down the “thief”, grabbing the prize purse away in a triumphant show of manly valor.

If all goes well…your target brings your purse to you. You show delight at the heroic deed! You thank him (but not too profusely, you don’t want trip off any “space crowding” or “hysterical weird girl” sensors).

As you talk and laugh you even throw in a little kino as you lightly touch his bicep and say “Wow you really tackled that guy… kickboxing class never taught me that!” (Or something hopefully less cheesy that that lol)

You openly check him out for just a flash of a second, letting your eyes linger on his form (he’ll get the hint if he has any sense). You blind him with your smile as your friends and onlookers join in the admiration and give him instant social status.

You ask how you can thank him… Hopefully a this point he goes for it and asks for your number/drinks/dinner.

Oh wait… LA is in Hollywood right? Oops. I was thinking more about Bollywood. ;-) lol

By the way it seems like most men will check out an @$$ when one is in their view. Since the girl isn’t face to face, they seem to feel comfortable looking. Of course then they wonder how the face measures up to the behind. Hence trying to provoke his attention indirectly.

I agree a girl should not make any direct moves to not stymie long term potential. She needs to make him think he noticed her, etc. Even if she places herself in his view on purpose, or does something to break ice if he doesn’t take the bait. Maybe she could open her bag and papers fly out toward him, or she loses her keys, or acts like she lost her keys to her car/cant find her car/lost something… These “artificial” problems I think can give him an “ok” signal to step in. But HE must choose to step in, in my opinion. She can only give indirect green lights.

Just my opinion of course.. And purely theoretical (I can only attest to these things having worked, but not always working for everyone).

Hehe, the Bollywood approach. A learning point from this fun fictional escapade is knowing your target’s demographic. What would appeal to him or his sense of humour? What commonalities would bind you together in a way that even transcends the social group he is currently in?

Another learning point is the look you’re projecting. Regardless of whether you err on the side of sexuality or modesty, you need to look your best when you go out.

Direct Approach: a variation of the Tigress approach

LR

Smile genuinely at the man

Walk over *and own that shit* to him, immediately sit down without invite

And say “I think you’re really hot and I want you to take me out.”

Commence slow-moving smile/smirk.

And as you stand up abruptly, sling your number down on the table.

Walk away and say nothing to him. By the time he gets done scrambling for your number and looks back up……..guess what? He get to watch you walk away now, too.

There it is, ladies. I don’t care who you are, what you look like, but if do exactly what I said and make sure to do it in a somewhat aloof/arrogant but also smiling and charming way.

This is a great strategy… if you want a hook up, or a boost of gratification for your ego. It establishes your status as a sex object but not so much as girlfriend material. I’d be turned off if a man scrambled over anything I did or kowtowed to my ‘I want you to take me out’ line.  He’ll definitely be doing it with the expectation that he’s going to get something. That something isn’t going to be a relationship and if you don’t put out, it can be difficult for him to not be annoyed about that. This however is a risk you run with asking out any man directly, or even indirectly. A man once offered to give me his number when I simply talked to him in a party setting; I genuinely wanted something else by talking to him.

Being aggressive is the best way to definitively get a guy’s attention.

Finally, what the ridiculously adorable singlegirlie actually did:

She [singlegirlie's friend] suggested I just go over and give Beanie Boy my number, and naturally, I looked at her like she was a crackhead. Like a true pal, she wrote my number on a cocktail napkin and offered to give it to him for me. My response: “NO! NO! Don’t you dare!”

[...] When we were a safe three-quarters of a block away, I did something very daring. I turned to my friend and said, “OK… go ahead.” She ran back to give it to him while I ran the other way and hid behind a giant palm.

One of my finest adult moments, indeed.

We scurried back to the car, giggling like schoolgirls. And you know what? He texted me. We texted back and forth all day and it’s the weirdest thing ever, but it’s fun.

She is just so cute. I wonder how it turned out?

Good friends are indispensible to the shy girl. You don’t really want to lose too much of that shyness around the man in question if that’s your natural disposition, while still being a mature woman otherwise: it can be endearing.

I believe the reasons girls don’t approach is because its rare that we want to. This is a composite of not being as visual as men as well as being less risk-taking. There’s a definite primitive risk component in approaching a man you don’t know.

However, there’re lots of ways to get around this, including indirect approaches and showing your interest effusively.

I think the two best approaches to take are a mix between ‘Inviting Seductress’ and ‘Tigress’. After you’ve shown him you’re interested, you can reign back so that you’re showcasing yourself as girlfriend material.

What I’d do if I had the courage and didn’t talk myself out of the fact that I was actually attracted is try and get someone to introduce me, with first finding out who he is if possible.  PUAs also use that technique.I may also move my friends near him, have fun with them for a bit and then involve him in our interaction with a fun line you can play with: ‘Look, you don’t know us but I want to know what you think. My friend says I look like *insert actress*. Is that true?!’ Then you can go on to playing with who he might look like.
3 Comments leave one →
  1. June 6, 2011 7:37 am

    nice …

  2. October 13, 2011 10:25 pm

    I can agree with the concept of this article:at least the concept that the woman can be acting indifferent to the guy yet be interested.

    It happens often in seduction.

  3. February 24, 2013 6:47 am

    I think the man approaching shows the woman that you have the confidence which is the trait that women find most attractive. Women make the first move with subtle signals, but it’s up to the man to respond to those signals and make the approach.

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