Keep it Simple Stupid
A study by Gordon Gallup Jr., professor of psychology at the University of Albany, showed that 59 percent of men and 66 percent of women reported that, after feeling attracted to another person initially, the attraction ended after the first kiss.
The study also mentioned women find kissing more important than men and will likely insist on kissing prior to a sexual encounter.
Roissy dudes talk enough about the KISS close, and, as this comment points out, women want it. I agree. I don’t want to wonder if he might kiss me, I want him to take the damn kiss. This goes for even the biggest loser-types, too. If they have the cojones to kiss me, they’ve risen in my estimation. But…the kiss itself will literally seal the deal for the next date –if it’s bad, there ain’t no second one. I can’t speak to how girls kiss because I haven’t kissed a girl (insert Katy Perry song …and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick…), but I can address bad kissing experiences I’ve had. I don’t claim to be an expert in much — but kissing is my forte: my lips were made for it and almost nothing else *wink*.
What NOT to do taken from my own experience with men who can’t kiss.
- The Dart – A stabbing, pointed thing chasing your tongue while stabbing the entire orifice.
- The Splash – A wet, slobbery, saliva filled experience.
- The Clash – Teeth crashing, a most unpleasant feeling.
- The Mash – Mouths mashed up tight, any closer and his mouth would exit the back of your head.
- The Biter – Biting on a first kiss is a no-no. (later is another story)
- The Purser – You couldn’t fit a penny between the lips of this person and they think it’s an erotic kiss.
- The Rank – Breath so smelly you want to vomit a little in your mouth to teach them a lesson about brushing.
Best advice in this clip: “Don’t forget to breathe through your nose — nothing ruins a good make-out like falling unconscious.” Tru Dat.
You may be aiming for delights of the flesh, but you’ll be less likely to strike the target without kissing talent. Take a little hint from the movie The Meaning of Life (Monty Python):
Humphrey: So, just listen. Now, did I or did I not… do… vaginal… juices?
Pupils: Mmm. Mmm. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Humphrey: Name two ways of getting them flowing, Watson.
Watson: R – rubbing the clitoris, sir?
Humphrey: What’s wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don’t have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy.
Wymer: Suck the nipple, sir?
Humphrey: Good. Good. Well done, Wymer.
Pupil: Uh, stroking the thighs, sir.
Humphrey: Yes. Yes, I suppose so. Hmm?
Pupil: Oh, sir. Biting the neck.
Humphrey: Yes. Good. Nibbling the earlobe, uhh, kneading the buttocks, and so on and so forth. So, we have all these possibilities before we stampede towards the clitoris, Watson.
Watson: Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
I’ll end with a charming vid which combines clips from one of my favorite movies of all times The Princess Bride. The title is misleading for those of you who haven’t seen the film — very good cast, funny, spoofy and still romantic — a gem.