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The Bitch Shield

October 30, 2009

Guys hate the Bitch Shield.  Actually, *people* hate bitchiness.

If being bitchy is so unpopular, why do people do it?  Usually because they can.  But is it something awful, and a sign of poor character?  Or is it a necessary evil?

Definition

A paraphrased definition of Bitch Shield is when a woman abandons any type of friendliness or social etiquette, and is outright rude to another person.  It can be mildly annoying to downright cruel.

When Do Girls Do It?

There seem to be two main situations where a girl will throw up the Bitch Shield:

1. To protect her social standing, honor, or sense of self

2. To use the power she has

There is also a special situation where a girl will use her shield for more than just herself:

3. To extend her personal Bitch Shield over others for the above reasons (protect other girls or show off the power other girls have, usually as a group)



Bitch Shield as a Way to Protect Herself

Honor: being called a slut, in all senses of the word, can make a woman lose honor.  People will see her as lacking self-respect or letting other people take advantage of her.  If she doesn’t respect herself, why should anyone else?

In western cultures, if a woman lets a man have his way with her in terms of grabbing her body in public, grinding against her and lifting up her skirt, etc., she’ll seem slutty. She can ask the guy to stop or push him, but if he’s persist (e.g., drunk), he may not stop.  Enough bad experiences with something like this, and a girl will either throw up the Bitch Shield or develop a permanent hard-as-steel Bitch Shield when in the club.

In some cultures, even talking to a male alone or in a friendly situation can cause a girl to be seen as slutty. If she doesn’t treat every male so brusquely so as to be rude, that one moment when she smiles will be interpreted as her having a crush on him.

Sense of self:  if you take a moment to read my story below, you might relate to the idea of fear or general creepiness a girl may feel when she feels like her personal space is being violated.  If a guy makes an outward demand she’s not comfortable with, or even just implies it, she won’t want to just be a victim — she might try to leave the situation politely.

But some guys don’t get the hint!  They insist on continuing to talk to her, or bother her, or invade her space.  Sometimes throwing up the bitch shield is the only way for her to feel like she is safe.

Social standing: in the luxury goods business, there’s the idea of quality and exclusivity which is what makes people spend lots and lots of money to get these high-ticket items.  Exclusivity implies excluding those that don’t make the cut.  A girl who hangs around the wrong crowd starts to be identified with them.  Even if this has no impact on her attractiveness to men, she is aware of the effect hanging out with the wrong people will have on other women.

Bitch Shield as a Way to Use Her Power

This is one of the most offensive types of Bitch Shields.  The girl who has power and wants to throw it in others faces looks like a spoiled brat.  She takes the idea of maintaining “social standing” to a whole new level.

A girl who gets away with this type of Bitch Shield knows that guys like her and will do anything for her attention. She knows people are in awe of her presence when they first encounter her.

Girls who get away with this type of shield less are the sort of people you might encounter in snooty clothing and shoe stores, when trying to complete some sort of transaction (think of resolving an incorrect cell. phone charge), or sometimes mean bosses at work.

credit: solidgame.co.za (from the movie "Mean Girls")

Bitch Shield Extended to Others

When a girl extends her Bitch Shield over others, sometimes she truly means well and is just trying to help.  Other times, she is acting out of jealousy with the false excuse of trying to help for the above reasons.  Girls who throw their shield over another girl without being asked to often aren’t valued as helpful friends.

A Better Bitch Shield

I think the Bitch Shield is justified in some cases, but the strongest versions should be saved for extreme situations.

It’s time for more women to move to using a Better Bitch Shield.  The Better Bitch Shield involves using a combination of etiquette, politeness, firmness, and self-removal as necessary.

How does a Better Bitch Shield compare to a bad Bitch Shield?

Situation Old Bitch Shield New Bitch Shield
A guy who looks creepy and gross is coming your way. As he opens his mouth, rolls your eyes, throw up a hand in his face, and completely turn away. Look at him with no expression as he says hello or makes some other comment.  Reply back without assuming his bad intention.  Feel out whether he’s polite enough to talk to, or going to turn crazy.  Politely excuse yourself once you are done.  If he turns out to not be so bad and you want to keep talking… aren’t you glad you lowered the shield?
You’re walking and a guy makes a random backhanded comment (“neg” for those in the know). Chew him out for being such a dumb@$$ and insult him back.  Make him feel like the littlest man on earth. Stare at him (over the shoulder throw your eyelashes, or turn back and stare while you evaluate).  Pause… pause.  Smile big.  If you can think of witty reply, do so.  If not, let it go.  If  he does nothing during the awkward pause, resume back to what you were doing.  Random looks are perfectly fine responses to random comments.
A guy asks for your phone number and/or asks you out.  You’re not interested. Tell him very strongly that you have a boyfriend.  Or give him an annoyed “are you freaking kidding me” look when he asks. Say something short and to the point that says no softly.  Suggestion: “Oh that’s so sweet but I’m sorry [shake head no with a sad smile].  It was nice talking to you though. Good luck with the bar/series 7/step 1/etc. [Walk away immediately so he gets the point]“
A guy that you’ve clearly told you are not interested in keeps on pestering you. Yell and scream at him that he’s crazy, he’s so out of your league, that you’ll call the cops on him, etc. Tell him once very clearly that you are not interested and never will be, and that he must cease all contact with you.  Do NOT respond to a single message or attempt at contact he tries after this. Put the Bitch Shield up so high that he can’t even see you over it.  This guy is a potential stalker and probably lacks understanding of human behavior and communication. You must tell him once and then clearly show with your actions that you are ignoring him. (LSB learned this the hard way.)
Someone is rude to you and insults you or does something that rubs you the wrong way. Chew them out and/or do something to bother them back. Walk away or try to defuse the situation.  There are times to call out someone’s bullsh*t (e.g., if a friend is doing something very, very wrong to you and not in the heat of the moment).  Most of the time however, it’s not worth it.  Some people are just haters or are looking for a fight, and it’s not worth trying to win them over. Many people act out when they are stressed out or irritated, and need to be left alone or need someone with a kind touch to bring them back to earth.

Any other suggestions? How can girls develop a kinder, gentler Bitch Shield?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How I First Developed a Bitch Shield

When I started 6th grade, for the first time I started walking to school alone.  I’d usually walk with friends who lived nearby, but two blocks of the trip was alone.

Some high school boys on bicycles would regularly come talk to us on our trips homes.  I didn’t think much of what they did.  I was mostly shy and quiet around them; they nicknamed me “blushy” because of my bashful looks and whisper-y voice in their presence.  Thankfully my friends did all the talking.

One day the boys followed me on alone portion of my walk. As usual, I was quiet in response to their questions.

Everything was OK until one of them stopped his bike in front of me.  He told me to come with him and the other boys to the park to do something that was so gross, I’ve blocked out what exactly he said.  I might not have even understood what they said. But their eyes and manner explained all I needed to know; their intentions were not innocent.

I was seized with a sudden panic.  I was too young and shy to yell at them to leave me alone, swing my bag at them and push them off their bikes, or tell them that they’re disgusting and run away.

All I could think of to say in those 2 seconds of pause was,”Let me go tell my mom.  She’ll be waiting for me.”  They said OK and that they’d wait around the corner.

To my sheer terror, my  mom wasn’t home.  I ran across the street to the neighbors.  No one was there either.  I ran down the street to another house where I knew the neighbors were friendly. They weren’t home either.

My panic was increasing by this point to near terror.  I saw a car in the driveway of the house next door to where I had stopped, so in desperation I ran and knocked on their door.  An older woman answered, and I asked if she’d help me call my dad at work.  The woman must have been able to tell something was wrong, and asked if I was OK. I burst into tears immediately. Through sobs I told her what had just happened.  And who was waiting for me around the corner.

It was one of the most horrible and awful experiences to go through.  Nothing happened, thank God.  But the terror…and fear. :-(

As a woman from a culture which prizes female virtue extremely highly, the idea of losing it by no fault of mine was horrible.

When my dad rushed home and stomped in, demanding we go find those boys so he could teach them a lesson, it strangely made me feel worse. Now that I was safe I didn’t want to think about it any more. I wanted to go back to how things were.

After that incident I wasn’t allowed to walk home with my friends any more. My mom was now in charge of picking me up from school.  My parents also began regular lectures on the importance of being mean to all boys. And how boys are evil and will hurt me.  My dad even made me practice hitting him and yelling at him loudly.

This is how my first big Bitch Shield was built.

My parents were strict already, and this incident in a strange new country made them even more cautious to let me integrate with American culture.  My life became one of school to home, home to school.

In a way it was a good thing. I could have made a lot of mistakes when I was at the peak of my silly little girly-girl brain (filled with dreams of cute boyz).  Being under my parent’s watchful eye meant I would have to become more emotionally mature first.

Around this time, I became a bit of a religious nuttie.  My entire life was dedicated to living according to God’s principles.  I became a big b*tch about it too, judging others who I knew were practicing Christians, Muslims, Hindus, whatever.  When I had moments of questioning and doubt, I would justify to myself that well, by being so strict I would build up such a good reputation that no one would ever think I’m a bad girl.  I wanted to be the #1 best good girl in the whole community, the whole country even!

In order to preserve my pure and chaste reputation, I dressed very modestly and kept a permanent Bitch Shield to any and all men.  I would make it a huge deal if a guy even dared to try and talk to me alone, or smile at me, or talk about anything but business. I would only entertain guys for marriage if they approached my parents first and got their blessings.  And even then, we would have to be chaperoned!

Now there were definitely moments when I would toe the line and wouldn’t be a complete religious Bitch Shield girl.  Eventually, I let the Bitch Shield down.  But it was a very difficult process.  During it, I felt like I was somehow losing myself.  Through life’s trials and tribulations I’ve found a balance between the higher pleasures and lower ones.

This is how I learned to lower and, when appropriate, lose my Bitch Shield.

53 Comments leave one →
  1. October 30, 2009 4:08 am

    Looks like you may need to start moderating comments.

  2. October 30, 2009 4:54 am

    Glad to see the spam disappeared.

    In terms of Bitch Shields, it’s the haughty aloofness and arrogance that’s toughest to take.

  3. October 30, 2009 7:34 am

    Nicole at Roissy’s once made an interesting distinction betweent the old-school Prude Shield and the modern Bitch Shield. The former communicates “I don’t” and the latter “I do, but not with you.”

  4. October 30, 2009 10:25 am

    There are a lot of angles to the Bitch Shield. How it’s done for example. Roosh had a post this week on one of the minor characters on the Hills (who is a Playboy playmate) doing some bitchy behavior where she threw a drink at a guy that annoyed her/her friend. That’s pretty rude. @Rake I agree haughtiness and arrogance are hard to handle, but I’ve found sometimes girls warm up to you if you act like they aren’t acting that way. A lot of girls who work in fashion always act like this, seems like to me. Not sure if that’s what you’re talking about? Curious what your experience has been dealing with that! @PA Interesting about Prude vs. Bitch Shield. I think I had the former during my religious extrremist phase lol. (Apologies to anyone who couldn’t stand to read that long thing – but some people enjoy reading personaly stories so thought I’d give it a shot).

  5. October 30, 2009 12:24 pm

    lovelysexybeauty

    If being bitchy is so unpopular, why do grrlz do it?

    Because they’re hot. This symptom completely disappears by age 30

  6. Lucifer permalink
    October 30, 2009 12:52 pm

    X-posted

    Overheard a gal at starbucks today, telling her girlfriend:

    1. She is close to 30.
    2. She dated an immature guy who cheated on her and could not hold a decent job for 6 years. (22 to 28?)
    3. Currently dating an unemployed guy who has cheated on her.
    4. Biological clock is ticking..

    What can I say.. *smile*

    She now has a fat ass, wrinkled face and thunder thighs.

    I bet you that if a decent provider type had approached her, he would have been ignored him for being too boring. The cunt got what she wanted.. too bad she did not like it!

  7. lovelysexybeauty permalink
    October 30, 2009 12:57 pm

    I donno Firepower… There are some pretty bitchy soccer moms and executive women out there! ;-) jokes aside it seems like bitchiness from power turns into bitchiness from being bitter for older girls. There are some annoying girls out there complaining about how all men are trash or how they are so picky, etc. They are mad inside and take it out on others

  8. October 30, 2009 1:02 pm

    The mastery of the bitch shield is important. First, you must learn to reject early and decisively. Second, you must learn to do it nicely (out of the charity and kindness in your heart. And also some particularly dangerous men become less threatening when you reject nicely).

    Rejection is in itself quite dangerous to women. Less dangerous in Western countries.

    But it must be done, especially when it does prove to be dangerous: you know then that you’ve made the right decision.

    Handle with care.

    ;)

  9. lovelysexybeauty permalink
    October 30, 2009 1:03 pm

    @lucifer – interesting. She might have to spend a few more years making bad decisions before she’ll be ready to be realistic. If she’s ever realistic. And like others have brought up here on GG before, will she ever be happy anyway or just tingling for the alphas now out of reach?

  10. October 30, 2009 1:29 pm

    Bhetti admonished

    And also some particularly dangerous men become less threatening when you reject nicely).

    ok, gimme your best shot, for once

  11. aliasclio permalink
    October 30, 2009 1:31 pm

    I bet you that if a decent provider type had approached her, he would have been ignored him for being too boring. The cunt got what she wanted.. too bad she did not like it!

    It isn’t really that simple, Lucifer. Or at least it wasn’t for the women I knew in youth and early middle age. Not every beta is “decent”; not every young woman is in a position to meet men who are likely to be interested in marriage; and many beta males, at least when I was a young woman, also want to play the field and enjoy themselves before settling in to marriage. I knew many women who dated seeming “nice guy betas” and found themselves living with men who were reluctant to marry, and who might even “cheat” as they grew older and more self-confident…

    Of course, if they hadn’t lived together in the first place the problem might have resolved itself. The women would have been free to find someone else, if necessary. The men might have been more eager to marry if they hadn’t already had someone providing them with most of the benefits of marriage (from a man’s perspective) at home: you know, cooking, cleaning, being thrifty with household money, organizing parties etc. Most of the women I knew in my age group did all these things for the men in their lives – but then, I’m from an earlier generation, and while everyone back then called herself a Feminist, they still had the habits of their mothers.

    My advice to women: NEVER, never, never Live Together, even if you do think that sex before marriage is acceptable.

  12. October 30, 2009 1:44 pm

    My primary issue is that I’m too much of a doormat. I can be capital B castrating Bitch if someone has done something to merit it in terms of being rude to me, to an innocent person, or generally doing something I despise (littering, being a public nuisance, etc.). However, if a guy is attempting to pick me up, and therefore flattering me, I feel bad saying no. So I have a tendency to “lead him on” in a minor sort of way, then try to graciously exit after like, 15 minutes of conversation.

  13. collegeboy permalink
    October 30, 2009 2:16 pm

    at first i hated bitch shields. but then you start to appreciate them and understand them. also it does help that theres tips to disarm them.

    but its the damn cockblock i hate.

    I should print shirts out that say:
    Stop the Block in 09!!!

  14. Lucifer permalink
    October 30, 2009 3:19 pm

    Alia,

    Nobody cares about rationalizations. End results matter more than the sophism used to justify them.

  15. October 30, 2009 3:24 pm

    http://xkcd.com/642/

    That’s all I have to say about the bitch shield.

    I went through a situation vaguely similar to the lovelysexybeauty so by the age of 14 I had a bitch shield of my own that was literally impenetrable. Girls would see me going between classes at school or walking down the street and chase me down to talk to me and I’d tear their heads off. Luckily I grew out of it by the time I was 20.

    I still never approach women under any circumstances (Partly as protest to male gender roles. Partly because I know I’m good looking enough that women will cold approach me.) but god were my teen years lonely.

    Basically what I’m trying to say is that when you start using the bitch shield on people that don’t deserve it It’s time to get a reality check. Because you’ve completely lost your sense of perspective.

  16. October 30, 2009 3:34 pm

    Wrote something about “bitch shields” just a few days ago on Alvanista. Copied over:

    I did not get actually “hit on” very often at all when I was living in a large city, because most people do not strike up conversations with strangers, and I never went to bars or clubs. I was usually very invisible in public as well, as I never wear makeup and was usually in work clothes.

    To describe my “shield,” it is simply my naturally, extremely introverted demeanor. Every personality test I’ve taken, I’ve scored in the 99th percentile or max for introversion.

    Most guys who try to talk to me realize soon enough: “She’s way too shy. Too much trouble to get her to open up, so I won’t bother.” I also give off nuclear goodie two shoes vibes (according to most who know me), so guys either never initiate conversation or soon give up.

    Those who get past my very shy outer shell get to see my awkward social personality, with reluctant answers and dodges. I always avoid giving out actual phone numbers and contact information to strangers. But I appreciate that guys have started talking to me, and I am never rude to them and always am friendly and smile a lot.

    The ones I tend to really cold-shoulder are those men who come up to me when I’m walking alone, and when they get close they yell out “You give blowjobs?” or “How much?” It’s rather ridiculous, and it had not happened to me until I started living in Utah (one of the most sexually conservative states). Those guys I usually either pretend I didn’t hear or ignore outright. I don’t think that’s being a “bitch” though, more like cautious.

  17. aliasclio permalink
    October 30, 2009 4:16 pm

    BS, Lucifer. If you can’t tell the difference between a rationalization and a reason then it’s no wonder you’re such a miserable old sod. My point was to suggest that you know almost nothing about the woman whom you overheard, and nothing about the man with whom she was involved. He might have been an immature beta rather than an alpha, for all you know. Bad behaviour isn’t the province of alpha ***holes.

  18. October 30, 2009 4:38 pm

    Clio

    I don’t think you’ve recieved the memo. All Alpha’s are ***holes and All Beta’s are Nice Guys.

    (NOT) ;)

  19. Lucifer permalink
    October 30, 2009 4:42 pm

    alia,

    Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

  20. Il Capo permalink
    October 30, 2009 5:29 pm

    Bad behaviour isn’t the province of alpha ***holes.

    I agree with your comment BUT:

    If the woman puts up with the beta’s behavior, it’s because she does not have realistic options. If she did, then she would exercise them, like many women do. She would very likely exercise those options much faster than she would with a pure alpha.

    But the fact that said woman does not exercise any options implies that the guy is a relative alpha, or higher value in the relationship; even if he’s objectively beta outside this frame.

    With that clarification, I see that both Lucifer and clio are actually in agreement.

    Reframing is a powerful tool: an alpha in relationship A can turn into a beta in relationship B. Other environmental changes, such as moving from City A to City B will affect his status, too.

  21. aliasclio permalink
    October 30, 2009 6:06 pm

    If the woman puts up with the beta’s behavior, it’s because she does not have realistic options. If she did, then she would exercise them, like many women do.

    Perhaps. This didn’t appear to be true when I was younger, though. Women lingered in relationships with “betas” because they still loved them, or felt loyal towards them, or various reasons of that kind. Something that once had a powerful influence on women, too, was whether they had already invested years of their youth in a particular man and were reluctant to accept that he would never make a decent husband. In addition to not necessarily being Nice, many beta men are not steady providers, either.

    Reframing is a powerful tool: an alpha in relationship A can turn into a beta in relationship B. Other environmental changes, such as moving from City A to City B will affect his status, too.

    An alpha in relationship A can turn into a beta in relationship A, in his wife/girlfriend’s eyes, depending on her own level of maturity and the reasons she chose him in the first place.

  22. Lucifer permalink
    October 30, 2009 8:58 pm

    Have you ever considered that your so called ‘civilized’ existence depends upon most men ignoring the more questionable attributes of women.

    If you want ‘law of the jungle’ you will get it, one way (direct) or the other (neglect). But then again, hubris affects foresight and rationality.

  23. aliasclio permalink
    October 30, 2009 10:34 pm

    Have you ever considered that your so called ‘civilized’ existence depends upon most men ignoring the more questionable attributes of women.

    You talkin’ to me, o Devilish one?

    I really don’t see the relevance of your question, since I never suggested that I don’t appreciate the contributions of men to civilization. But if you are, I do in fact appreciate it, and when arguing with a certain kind of feminist, I always bring it up.

  24. lovelysexybeauty permalink
    October 31, 2009 12:01 pm

    aliasclio

    when I was younger, though. Women lingered in relationships with “betas” because they still loved them, or felt loyal towards them, or various reasons of that kind. Something that once had a powerful influence on women, too, was whether they had already invested years of their youth in a particular man and were reluctant to accept that he would never make a decent husband.

    Wow, women don’t just follow tingles wherever those take them? They actually have feelings like loyalty or make choices based on ideas like opportunity-cost? :-p

    Another factor that influences some women is basic lack of exposure to different types of men. If you don’t know that someone could match you even better than what you have in front of you… it’s blissful ignorance in a way.

    When I was younger, any guy who was well put together, acted manly-ish (pretty much all of them), and was fun/cool to talk to was good enough for me. I was a blank slate and not very social, so anyone I spoke to fairly often felt “close” to me.

    When my parents set me up with a few guys when I was young, it was easy to feel they were husband-material – I didn’t know what else mattered or was out there. (Although I was aware of being ignorant, and that worried me.) As I got to see more of the world I started noticing how some guys felt like a better match than others. It’s a double-edged sword because sadly my expectations were higher… because I got above and beyond what I ever expected, strangely. So I feel guilty about becoming more discerning over time rather than less. But in a way it’s OK because the expectations have been mostly met (or will be soon) and in some ways, they’ve exceeded what I imagined possible. Too interesting.

  25. Obsidian permalink
    October 31, 2009 12:04 pm

    *We now interrupt the usual programming to bring this announcement*

    The Eagle has landed:

    theobsidianfiles.wordpress.com

    Spread the word.

    The Obsidian

  26. October 31, 2009 1:52 pm

    Before some denigration into Alpha arguments, PA and Bhetti had good observations. Most men have trouble understanding why the “bitch shield” develops because they’re not as accustomed to rejecting people. You’ve made some great recommendations for making the problem better (instead of just talking about it).

  27. October 31, 2009 7:32 pm

    I know exactly where the bitch shield came from but that doesn’t justify any of it. The bitch shield is the reason why the scenario in the xkcd comic plays out. The guy think his head is going to get bitten off and the girl who’s waiting for him to notice her ends up disappointed.

    Now, realistically if a girl is into a guy it’s her responsibility to ask him out but I think the male of the species would settle for not getting their heads bit off.

  28. October 31, 2009 9:41 pm

    Dan: Bitch Shield Bearer Bhetti, Veteran Class, always ready for service.

    JD:

    I think the male of the species would settle for not getting their heads bit off.

    I’ve had people — mostly male — being rude to me when I haven’t addressed them, occasionally when haven’t done anything I was accused of.

    Perhaps it’s the general lack of manners and consideration for others permeating this world.

    Anyway, approaching people I haven’t been introduced to scares me. If I ever received a negative reaction to that — think I maybe got a cold shoulder and invective in Paris, which did contribute to my anti-Parasians prejudice, actually — then, it would be quite difficult to remain confident and positive.

    Saying that, I do try to overcome this fear. Said to a man in a Ghostbusters costume that my sister liked it. He said: ‘Well, if you ever need help with ghosts, I’ll give you my number.” Then he walked off.

    I was just going to ask for a picture for her.

    That actually made me wonder whether simply speaking to a male is some sort of indicator of interest in him I should avoid.

  29. November 1, 2009 3:10 pm

    I think it needs clarifying that if a guy is rude or inconsiderate in some way and you’re rude back, that is not the bitch shield.

    When a guy walks up to a woman or group of women and introduces himself and they tell him to fuck off. that is the bitch shield.

    What defines the bitch shield isn’t whether or not the woman is rude. It’s defined by whether or not her reaction is called for and/or justified.

    And the latter scenario is frequent enough that PUAs address it and have several techniques for trying to overcome it.

    The ghostbuster guy made the same mistake women make all the time. They project the psychology of their gender onto a person of the other gender. He thinks that since you walked up to him that you must be into him, because that’s the only reason he’d walk up to a woman. Your comment also acted as a kindof false disqualifer. By telling him that your reason for approaching him had nothing to do with you.

    When women do a cold approach I can usually tell because as a gender you hardly ever do it so quite frankly, most of you suck at it.

  30. November 1, 2009 11:33 pm

    I know exactly where the bitch shield came from but that doesn’t justify any of it.

    Really? I mean, really? Think about it this way — if most girls didn’t have a bitch shield, they’d not get anything done, because they’d be stopping to talk to every single guy who approached them. While, yes, it is a way of prematurely disqualifying potential mates, if girls did NOT disqualify 99% of the guys who approached them, they’d be giant sluts.

  31. November 1, 2009 11:43 pm

    Wow, women don’t just follow tingles wherever those take them?

    No, LSB, ALL women with options take advantage of said options ALL THE TIME. If ANY woman is EVER in a relationship, the ONLY thing that will keep her faithful is if the guy is CLEARLY a SUPER ALPHA AND/OR WAY OUT OF HER LEAGUE.

    Oh, wait…but, also, girls absolutely CANNOT CANNOT CANNOT get guys who are not EXACTLY at the same level as them. And, of course, even then, there is not a single way a girl can distinguish herself from another girl who is at the same level of hotness. ALL men who can date 8′s, for example, cannot tell the difference between one 8 and another. This is why, whenever you see a girl with a guy, you can be sure of two things:

    a) he is way out of her league
    b) she was the first girl, of her “ranking”, that he saw

  32. November 2, 2009 2:02 am

    lilgirl, please tell me your reply to me post was sarcastic.

  33. November 2, 2009 3:21 am

    my reply to LSB’s post was sarcastic.

  34. Il Capo permalink
    November 2, 2009 3:22 am

    No, LSB, ALL women with options take advantage of said options ALL THE TIME.

    Lil, for your rant to be true, you need to tweak it a little bit:

    a) Replace ALL women, by ALL women with a promiscuous past, since past promiscuity predicts future promiscuity .

    b) Replace ALL women with a promiscuous past with the majority of women between ages 20-35 in big American cities.

    And you get:

    “The majority of women between ages 20-35 in big American cities are very likely to take advantage of said options. ”

    The women in clio’s counter-argument seem* to deviate from the norm in that they did not get into those relationships from a promiscuous past.

    * She did not clarify specifically

  35. November 2, 2009 3:22 am

    Il Capo –

    Oh, darling. It was not a rant.

  36. Il Capo permalink
    November 2, 2009 3:23 am

    Link came out wrong:
    http://polymer.bu.edu/~amaral/Sex_partners/Content_sex.html

  37. November 2, 2009 3:29 am

    If you SERIOUSLY think it’s impossible to turn a guy down without turning into a raging cunt please promise me you’re never going to reproduce.

    Not only can most women turn down men politely but they figure out how to do that BEFORE they learn how to use the bitch shield.

  38. November 2, 2009 3:52 am

    Here was my point, for people who didn’t understand:

    1) The bitch shield is totally justifiable. And necessary. Unfortunately for you and your weird world in which girls approach you (let me guess, you’re not exactly swimming in a sea of women), the bitch shield makes total sense. Now, yes, there is a difference in having a “bitch shield” (which all women do, unless they are so incredibly ugly that they are never approached, or they are big sluts) and being a total bitch. Even Hope, who isn’t outwardly “bitchy” has a “bitch shield” (more of just a “shield”, but it’s the same thing) in that she is very introverted, which, obviously, prematurely disqualifies many men.

    I, for example, am always very interested in talking to just about anyone. I love when strangers strike up conversations with me. That said, I’ve often found that when guys strike up a conversation with me and I’m responsive, they take it as verification that I am, in fact, interested in them. If this is not the case — and it is usually not — then as the conversation continues, it can seem like I’m leading them on. This can, at worst, get messy (some long stories, but you’d be shocked at the number of times I’ve been friendly to a guy, only to have him think I’m interested and then actually get angry when I politely inform him that I am not), and, at best, take up an unnecessary amount of time and/or lead to some awkwardness.

    Also, there are moments in my day (for example: when I am in a hurry. When I am asleep. When I am listening to music. When I am browsing through a bookstore. When I am looking for something. When I am working out. Etc.) when I just don’t have the goddamn time to accommodate every single man who wants to converse with me. So, what do I do? I am sometimes rude to people. Why is this? Because it works. Being nice, more often than not, does not work if you want to be left alone or are not interested.

    And yes, I use the bitch shield to prematurely disqualify men. I am in a relationship, and I’m not an idiot. I know when a guy is hitting on me. If a guy clearly just wants to get into my pants, what should I do? Should I let him carry on, perhaps go grab a drink with him, see if he is, in fact, the kind of guy I might want to be in a relationship with? Um, no.

    But even when I’m not in a relationship, I use my “shield” to disqualify men. Because, guess what? I don’t have the time or energy to just open myself up to every man that approaches me. If I did, I’d be amazing. But, let’s face it. I don’t want to sleep with every man I see. In fact, I’m not even open to possibly sleeping with every man I see. It’s crazy, but it’s the truth. I don’t even want to get to know every man I see. Sorry. I see a lot of people. I know a lot of people. I can only do so much.

    2) This comment: “If the woman puts up with the beta’s behavior, it’s because she does not have realistic options. If she did, then she would exercise them, like many women do.” Is not true. How very whiskey-ish of you to assume that ALL women with options (which is, sorry, 99.9% of women) will immediately leave their man the second he exhibits beta behavior. Please.

  39. November 2, 2009 3:56 am

    Oh come on, now. I turn guys down politely all the time. You’re mistakenly equating “bitch shield” with “total bitch”, perhaps because it’s got the word “bitch” in it. Lots of “bitch shields” just involve girls being not “bitchy”, necessarily, but “cold” or “unwilling to be approached”.

  40. Il Capo permalink
    November 2, 2009 4:39 am

    2) This comment: “If the woman puts up with the beta’s behavior, it’s because she does not have realistic options. If she did, then she would exercise them, like many women do.” Is not true. How very whiskey-ish of you to assume that ALL women with options (which is, sorry, 99.9% of women) will immediately leave their man the second he exhibits beta behavior. Please.

    You misunderstood the argument by taking the comment in isolation. “the beta’s” in the phrase above refers to the specific example that clio raised, partially quoted below:

    Not every beta is “decent”… and many beta males, at least when I was a young woman, also want to play the field and enjoy themselves before settling in to marriage…I knew many women who dated seeming “nice guy betas” and found themselves living with men who were reluctant to marry, and who might even “cheat” as they grew older and more self-confident…

    So the argument is: if an alpha cheats or is reluctant to marry, then he may (might? will?) get away with it, but if a beta gets away with it, it is because the woman has no better options. We can argue that she could still stick around due to loyalty or other attributes, but let’s review the situation:

    - The guy is not nice.
    - He does not want to marry her because he wants to play the field.
    - He may cheat later on.
    - The guy is not only all the above, but also a beta.

    Why would those women stay in such a relationship?

  41. November 2, 2009 2:19 pm

    No. You’re mistakenly equating “bitch shield” with “doing anything that involves turning a guy down”. Reread my last post to Bhetti. Politely turning guys down is not the bitch shield. Being rude when a guy is rude back is not the bitch shield. The bitch shield is when a woman is unjustifiably rude to a man who approaches her. (Tell him to fuck off when he walks up and says hi.)

    If you don’t believe me go look at any PUA material about the bitch shield and that’s the example they use.

  42. theobsidianfiles permalink
    November 2, 2009 3:05 pm

    I’ve tried to read this post several times over the past few days, and I have to agree with JD here, it seems what LSB and others are saying are completely different from the original intent and definition of the Bitch Shield, per Mystery’s definition. I don’t see a convergence of the two, and quite frankly, I see LSB’s writing on the matter a kind of weird rationalization of it. That’s OK, it’s a free country, but again, that’s NOT what the term actually means.

    The Bitch Shield is an evolutionary adaptation to the fact that attractive Women are approached ALL THE TIME by Men for sex. This can understandably be taxing and annoying for the Female, and hence the Bitch Shield is a kind of shorthand way of dealing with the vast numbers of guys who approach all the time.

    Playas learn how to overcome Bitch Shield displays – they have to if they want to score with the hotter chicks – by employing a number of methods. Those methods aren’t germaine to the issue at hand, just merely noting that LSB’s take on the matter is way offbase insofar as Game would understand it.

    The Obsidian

  43. November 2, 2009 3:51 pm

    Il Capo –

    Well, you misunderstood the sarcasm in the first comment, so nevermind.

    JD –

    Mmm, yes, I am being a bit extreme in my definition of it. That said, even the bitchy bitch shields are justifiable. Sorry. It’s true.

  44. November 2, 2009 4:08 pm

    Telling a guy to fuck off because he asks you for your name is not justifiable.

  45. November 2, 2009 4:32 pm

    No, but ignoring him if you’re not interested is. Especially if he’s the 30,000th guy who’s asked for your name.

  46. November 2, 2009 4:48 pm

    Again, that’s not the bitch shield.

  47. November 2, 2009 5:23 pm

    Eh, being sufficiently rude is, though. Like I said, there’s a difference between having a “bitch shield” and being a total bitch. A bitch shield is basically when a girl is, yes, somewhat rude to you for no reason. While I would never tell anyone to “fuck off”, I do start shaking my head and ignoring them as they approach me — I’m acting like a “bitch”, in that I’m prematurely disqualifying them as a potential whatever, and not even giving them the time of day/chance to qualify themselves.

  48. November 2, 2009 9:33 pm

    @Lil. Had a huge lol moment reading your comment, haha. Well I got the sarcasm ;-)

    In PUA land I am sure it’s easier to simplify female behavior down to “do what makes her area tingle.” Fine, easier than getting a degree in psychology and trying to understand the nuances of gendered thought. But it is a huge oversimplification and if taken too far, will not really keep a normal woman around very long. Women have brains not just tingles. Women also are able to think long term and bond and all that.

    Also, VERY TRUE about some guys misinterpreting general friendliness as mutual interest, and getting angry. Makes me angry back sometimes because it’s not my fault they are socially dumb or think they are the sh-t. After having a steel enforced shield I think I went to another extreme for a little bit, and was too friendly, smiley and making eye-contact. And ended up with stalkers and other weirdos.

    If attractive (to superxxxtra hot aka LILGRL ;-) ) women responded to all men we’d have no time in the day. So true girl. Sometimes a girl just wants to get her groceries and go home. Or do her workout and leave. Or she really does just want to dance with her friends.

    I can think of so many times when guys were just being aggressive and wouldn’t get out of my face. Being polite didn’t give them the hint. It was only when I said loudly, “I’m not interested go AWAY!” did they sometimes leave. Even then some of them would argue, “Hey what’s up with you did you not eat chocolate today babe?”

    Imagine if I was a really sweet girl, and did what he said like an obedient and submissive good girl. When I ignored his offers for dates he would be angry I led him on too no?

  49. gunslingergregi permalink
    November 2, 2009 9:49 pm

    ”””””’In PUA land I am sure it’s easier to simplify female behavior down to “do what makes her area tingle.” Fine, easier than getting a degree in psychology and trying to understand the nuances of gendered thought. But it is a huge oversimplification and if taken too far, will not really keep a normal woman around very long. Women have brains not just tingles. Women also are able to think long term and bond and all that. ””””’

    Naaa once they give up the sex pretty much over.

  50. November 2, 2009 10:09 pm

    Indifference and telling someone to fuck off are both discussed in PUA material and both are put in two very distinctive categories. the fuck off is put in the bitch shield category and indifference very clearly isn’t.

  51. msexceptiontotherule permalink
    November 3, 2009 9:10 am

    (Il Capo)…
    “…Lil, for your rant to be true, you need to tweak it a little bit:

    a) Replace ALL women, by ALL women with a promiscuous past, since past promiscuity predicts future promiscuity .

    b) Replace ALL women with a promiscuous past with the majority of women between ages 20-35 in big American cities.

    And you get:

    “The majority of women between ages 20-35 in big American cities are very likely to take advantage of said options. ”…”

    I’ll give points for translation into a statement that, on its face, appears to be a logical argument. Unfortunately because it is unlikely that you (since it’s your statement) have had the requisite experience needed, with a statistically viable number of women that would constitute as sufficient so as to be representative of a majority of the population taken from this statement, this argument is one that is actually a fallacy despite what it appears to be at first.

    ……

    In any case; I can’t say that whatever bitch shield a woman may use (bad, better, or just different) is unnecessary nor inappropriate. I have seen some that appear to be a matter of protecting a vulnerable person with non-existent self-esteem, others that (This is only my interpretation, so bear that in mind, after all no one can get it right 100% of the time while there’s also no way of knowing if it is correct either.)would be protecting the individual from their own friends actions & words, only some that at least superficially unintentional displays of insensitivity. One of my closest friends at the end of high school and into a few years afterwards seemed like she put up a bitch shield out of nowhere, so, I decided to press her for an answer about that only to find out that she’d been sexually assaulted several times by a family friend and her mom didn’t believe her when she finally went to her mother who then sent her to live with her grandparents because she didn’t want a “false accusation” to get out and publicly become a problem for the family friend or embarrass that person. After I heard about what happened, all of the change in my friend’s behaviors made sense – cutting off a guy just trying to talk to her, breaking up with her boyfriend by letter and refusing to go anywhere she might see him after that let alone actually talk to the guy who was thoroughly confused, only talking to me and maybe 2 other friends after previously being someone who always smiled & was nice to everyone to the extent that even people who didn’t like her at first quickly had good reason to change that first opinion including the girl who dated the bf and was still hoping they’d get back together until he started dating my friend. I wish that my friend could have been something I could fix; after a while, she got into drugs, then later was admitted involuntarily to a psychiatric hospital after trying to kill herself and coming damn close to succeeding – her mom never made even an attempt at trying to have a relationship with her daughter from the time she sent her to live with her grandparents, and when they died she had nowhere to go and disappeared, once in a while she still has sent a card during the holidays so I know she’s alive at least – but stays somewhere out there and with plenty of distance without making it possible for me to track her down because she’s still using. I’ve only recently found that there’s a pattern that draws me to people with a need for someone distracting enough for the times they need it so they can forget about tragic and painful things and when they need someone to listen without feeling a need to automatically give advice that wasn’t solicited – I was able to do that too. Sometimes the person needed fixing and I’d signed up for the job without really understanding what it involved – actions from the days lived as a more naive msexceptiontotherule.

  52. Anonymous permalink
    August 21, 2011 12:24 pm

    I am guy, and I guess the “I do, but not for you” is what I have always interpreted the “Bitch Shield” as. The fact is that the shield is just a challenge and it’s good for you girls bad for us guys and that’s why we hate it. I always get hit with the bitch shield but I am working on my skills, mind you I am a young veterinarian, no debt what so ever and am really not interested in sleeping with anyone who’s not my wife and that the only reason I give compliments is that I really think that something the girl does or wears is cute and that I also do not approach the ‘hot’ ones but rather the ‘cute’ ones, if that makes sense. I might insert some guy advice here as well, first the time makes all the difference, the girl who is shopping in the mall doesn’t have the bitch shield in place as much as the one in the club. In the club the number of your female friends makes a difference, what I have found in any social context is that for the girl to be a bitch to a guy who is friends with lots of females in the group is very hard because there is no good reason for it, for example if she says or implies that he is creepy and only interested in sleeping with girls, she will be accusing others that he is friends with of being sluts, so most people don’t even try going there. Negs will not work if she gives you ‘the look’ unless you have a string of them tied together and your plan is “If I get a response with the first neg, then work with the response, if not, throw the second one in the series”. Also, easier said than done is that laughter breaks all shields, if a guy can make fun of a girl and make her laugh at herself, the shield is destroyed.

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