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Girls Who Protect Their Territory

December 15, 2009

Jealousy is supposed to be an instigator to mate-guarding behavior and a powerful motivator of tingles in women and protectiveness in men.

So the way some girls react when other girls seemingly make a move on their men, or might make a move, is interesting.

I hear many girls describe the necessity of protecting your territory. I don’t quite understand this concept because my perspective is that one should let other people make their own decisions, evaluate whether one can live with those decisions, and react accordingly.

credit: fotosearch.com

Respecting Individuality

If a girl is after a guy who is “mine” or who I simply “want,” I don’t feel it’s my place to force him to act a certain way.  If I don’t like how he reacts, I can leave him.

There is no point in trying to deflect potential rivals.  If a guy I’m seeing wants to leave me for someone else, he’s going to do that no matter what I try to do – behind my back, if not in front of my face.

I would hope for similar expectations from a guy I’m seeing.  Assistance can be great sometimes, but it’s ultimately up to me to choose who I like better, right?

So shouldn’t we all respect the right of every person to do what is right for them? We can always move on, after perhaps making it known why we’re leaving.  Sometimes guys will adjust their behavior if they like a girl enough (a.k.a. making a “tradeoff” or “sacrifice” for the greater good of the relationship).

With a man, I feel he needs to choose me above all other options out there.  I will not settle for being someone’s second or third choice; I need to be his number one.  All I can do is bring my best GirlGame and be the best partner I can possibly be.

Keeping What is Yours


However, many people seem to feel that a girl needs to protect her man-property.

Does this work?  Would a man respond favorably to a girl he’s seeing actively chasing away competitors? What I’ve seen some girls recommend and do:

  • If a woman comes after your man, scare off the b*tch.  Give her dirty looks, grab onto your man’s arm, french kiss him at that moment while looking at her (haha, he’s all mine), etc.  I came across a random article about manipulation tactics yesterday that includes bullying like this.
  • If your guy responds favorably to a woman who is obviously flirting with him, make her look bad. Point out flaws and other turn-offs to poison any attraction he may have toward her; say things like you saw her at the laser hair removal center getting her mustache removed, talk about how she’s dated around, is a party girl, has smelly feet, etc.
  • Keep you man in your sights as much as possible.  Don’t let him go out alone too much.  Limit the time he spends with his buddies. You never know who he might meet! If he does go out, make sure you check in with him constantly so that he doesn’t go after someone else.
  • Don’t let your man travel without you. Make him reject travel opportunities with work.  Or, go with him any time he does travel.
  • Limit all of his social interactions.  Keep him away from his friends who are bad influences.  Frame it so that you are always doing things together; you see friends as a couple now, not as individuals.
  • Demand he break off friendships with any ex-girlfriends or female friends.  Accuse him of not caring and trying to hurt you any time you see him enjoying chatting with someone of the opposite sex.
  • If you are married, keep him busy working hard or being a dad (have lots of kids and make sure to train them to ask for “Daddy Daddy” as much as possible).  Tell him to take the kids to parks and other locations you’ve scoped out previously as having unattractive women.
  • Influence him to stay away from venues where there will be hotter girls. Make him think there are not a lot of good girls out there. If he seems to think one of your girlfriends is cool, make sure to tell him all her dirty secrets to poison his mind against her.

To me, the above behavior sounds annoying and controlling, possibly cruel. Doing the above doesn’t just sound like a series of shit tests that a man sufficient in Game can bat away with a few well-placed negs, spankings, or dominance.

Doing What’s Best

Do you think girls should worry about other girls who may have designs on their men?  If so, what’s the best way to handle those situations in the moment and otherwise?

Or should a woman let a man do as he wishes, and if she doesn’t like it, simply leave?

If a girl is too cool about potential rivals, does this make it seem like she doesn’t really care?

What if she doesn’t want to end up like Elin Woods?  Should Elin have been traveling with Tiger everywhere he went and monitoring his behavior more?  She did give him too much free reign?

20 Comments leave one →
  1. December 15, 2009 1:52 pm

    Most of the italicised advice would prompt an alpha to dump you and a beta to resent you. It would also likely turn any greater betas into domesticated chodes. Bad move.

    While there’s no way to guarantee keeping your man and other women apart, you can raise the costs of cheating for both. For the latter, it would have to be done subtly and mostly aware from his gaze.

    Just be aware of what things are required for the courtship ritual and then mess with them. For example, if you’re at a party like in the photo and a girl is trying to get with your guy:

    - Don’t give them isolation. When they talk, bring one of your friends over and make it a group conversation
    - If they wander off into a room, send a friend after them to turn the lights on, look for something, then call you in to help
    - Make conversations logical when they are together to kill their vibe
    - Don’t support any of her gambits, but don’t be obviously catty.

    Not rocket science but will work on a guy who is an opportunist rather than commited to cheating on you. The latter guy isn’t worth keeping if you want a real LTR.

  2. December 15, 2009 2:13 pm

    You usually write good stuff – heady analysis. But, you come from the perspective of The Single Huntress.

    Marriage has a large component of trust. A very large component.

    Husbands do not hunt and fuck other white skanks like they”re on a never-ending pussy safari. Increasingly, this is happening in modern culture, but it’s still taboo.

    You see – married people are expected to be faithful.

    No biggy, it’s what you know and one day when you mature a bit you will see issues from another’s perspective.

    Or, maybe Elin was distracted by the duties of managing 30 houses, a 200 ft yacht and all those public appearances.

  3. December 15, 2009 2:34 pm

    I am rather new to blogging and looking to connect with others who want to discuss similar topics and issues. Would you like to link our blogs? Here’s mine:
    gildaevans.wordpress.com

  4. December 15, 2009 2:46 pm

    Hey not sure if it was clear, but I *disagree* with what’s in the italics. If you guys were just commenting on girls who do that in general, my bad.

    @krauserpua
    What if I prefer to not even do that much in terms of opportunists? I mean I’d prefer to not even be with an opportunist. So far I have never even bothered to worry about it, and it seems like all has been OK. Hopefully it’s because I’ve found some really great morally strong guys (I donno though).

    @Firepower
    Mostly agree except for heady analysis… Mm… Loll uh…

  5. December 15, 2009 2:53 pm

    Also, if a guy is the type I can’t leave alone with a girl who is after him, I’d rather know that sooner than later so I can move on. I’d rather not interfere at all and just observe. I wonder if this makes a guy seem like I am not into him though (“It doesn’t even bother you when…??”). Other girls have told me I shouldn’t be so cool and laid back like that.

  6. December 15, 2009 3:32 pm

    Marriage has a large component of trust. A very large component.

    Husbands do not hunt and fuck other white skanks like they”re on a never-ending pussy safari. Increasingly, this is happening in modern culture, but it’s still taboo.

    You see – married people are expected to be faithful.

    FTW.

  7. December 15, 2009 6:23 pm

    The difference between married guys (or boyfriends) who cheat, and married guys who don’t, is opportunity.

    Yes, I know, every young lady is convinced that her boyfriend is the exception. That he’s never going to stray. And maybe he won’t, but it won’t be because he really, really, really loves you. Or because he’s a really, really, really great guy. It will be simply because suitable opportunities don’t present themselves at the right time.

    Fortunately for you idealistic young ladies out there, true opportunities are fairly hard to come by for the typical guy. First, most guys aren’t exactly babe magnets. Second, most guys have a good understanding of danger and that most risks aren’t worth taking. So in most cases, he’s going to decide that even though his co-worker is hot, she’s a bad risk. Not really a suitable opportunity, in other words. Same with the hot girl in the apartment next door. Same with most women he’s going to see in day to day life.

    But at a party? With a few drinks in him, his threshold for “suitable” opportunities is lowered significantly. He’s going to flirt with and possibly pursue girls he might not in other circumstances. So IMHO, it actually *is* worth your while to defuse these situations.

    Especially because it’s so easy if you’re already there. A simple tug on his leash is all it takes. Basically let him know you’re here and wise to what might be going on. Be cool and don’t make a big fuss. You just want to remind him that you’re there and you’re not blind.

    Nip these opportunities in the bud and with a little luck (for you, not him,) his other opportunities will be few.

  8. Bob permalink
    December 15, 2009 9:43 pm

    I know a lot of girls like to incite jealousy in their man by flirting in front of him. I don’t personally know of any guys like this, but am willing to concede that some may do so as well.

    Really, though, it’s easy for even the best person to fall into an attitude of “Well, what have you done for me LATELY?” If a pretty girl is flirting with me, my girlfriend should not just stand back, or get angry. She should flirt with me, better than the new girl. I should learn to associate attention from other females with the memory of how awesome my girlfriend is, and why I’d never want to leave her.

  9. December 15, 2009 11:27 pm

    Grab his penis

  10. СОФИЯ/sofia permalink
    December 15, 2009 11:48 pm

    YES.

  11. December 16, 2009 11:28 am

    Riffdog has nailed the Correct.

    Yeah, I realised you didn’t agree with the italics. No problems in getting the point across in your post.

  12. December 16, 2009 3:38 pm

    Complex issue, isn’t it, jealousy?

    A couple of situations where I’ll be using the minefield of alpha-beta terminology for generalisation and simplicity:
    A) Showing no concern and actively encouraging him to pursue other women. Even throwing in they’re probably better options. Effect on lower beta: insists you’re the only one for him. Forever and ever. Devoted.
    Effect on alpha: will capitalise on this endlessly. If he does it right, your evident lack of concern will be demolished, sooner or later. If he’s not at the stage of caring about you, he’ll find it easier to leave you and substitute you regardless.
    B) Denigrating any woman he’s near. Limiting his time spent with other women. Other control tactics. Effect on secure man: fighting him for dominance and not in the good way. Very annoyed. Giving you minus points. He knows what you’re doing. He doesn’t think better of you for it.
    Effect on not-with-it lower beta: sees your territorial behaviour as evidence of your love. It’s not. You mostly hate being reminded of his beta-ness with other women. However, there’s also a touch of you wondering whether that evil woman really will lower herself to associating with your beta simply because she hates you.
    C) The sweet spot. I’m not quite sure what this is although I have some ideas. It will depend on the man in question.

    One aspect is that you’re fairly confident of what you have to offer him and unthreatened by any other prospects: you know his value system and that he thinks you have something to offer him. He genuinely can’t quite find someone like you and it would be too difficult to try again when you’re there.

    When it comes to other women, you show not tell in what way you’re superior.

    You show him jealousy here and there but also like knowing about what he thinks about other women: you view it as an intriguing part of his sexuality that also turns you on. You do need reassurance that you’re doing well.

    Limiting opportunities is mostly his job but if you have an open enough relationship, you can gently remind him of it too.

  13. December 16, 2009 3:40 pm

    Interesting points guys… This idea of protecting what is “mine” still bothers me. I’ll have to think about it some more.

    Particularly telling though is that most of the detailed responses are from guys – even the traditional female haters don’t seem to have had much to say. I wonder if this topic gets into the ugly truths of how some girls effectively get what they want… Or it is just so obviously wrong it’s moot. Not sure… All I can say is I hate jealous b*tches and don’t wanna be one, ever.

  14. December 16, 2009 3:46 pm

    Bhetti – interesting take in terms of Alpha Beta, very insightful. The sweet spot… Hm…

  15. Il Capo permalink
    December 16, 2009 5:57 pm

    In my opinion, if an LTR-candidate girl tries to incite jealousy on a guy she is being disrespectful to that guy. Counts as a strike in my book and in this particular game you only get two, after the initial one gets calmly but firmly called on. If she’s a FB, it’s justifiable, as the guys is not offering the commitment himself.

    About girls marking territory, I know couples who fall on different ends of the spectrum. One of these couples requires the guy to go through extensive negotiations with the wife just to get a night out with the guys. The other couple (engaged) is more flexible.

    I believe the second couple is happier, although I acknowledge that the people in it are particularly respectful of their commitment to each other. For the guy, it’s not about banging a different girl once a week (he does not cheat), it’s mostly about reassuring himself that he could if he wanted to just by chatting up girls or being the single guys’ wing-man. By doing so, he remains the lesser alpha he has always been, and this has positive effects on the relationship.

    How would this work is they both had different values or expectations? I’m not sure. If she was skanky she might be inclined to play the game, too, with higher chances of cheating. Their culture and values do play a role.

  16. Anonymous permalink
    December 16, 2009 10:21 pm

    The italicized bit works in a certain context, though it’s wrong and unstable.

    If a woman is dating a man who is both seriously out of her league and inexperienced, that advice might work pretty well. If she doesn’t restrict him socially, he’ll probably realize that he could do better. She needs to do her best to make him basically forget the possibility that he could be with someone else. Plus, all the sacrifices he has to make may cause serious “sweet lemons”/sunk-cost rationalization that will keep him with his current partner.

    If he’s in your league, this might still work, but it’s not necessary, so the risk-reward ratio is much less favorable. If he’s experienced, he’s much less likely to tolerate it, and he has better background information, so he’s already going to realize he’s out of your league.

    I suppose this might also work if you have a very antagonistic relationship – you know he’s going to cheat on you if he can, so you want to prevent it. This, and probably any other relationship where those tactics would be a “good idea,” is not worth being in. It’s indicative of a weak partner or an unhealthy relationship. Some women are just seriously insecure, though, and this is the only way they can think to deal with that.

    If he’s

  17. December 17, 2009 2:02 am

    I hate that men I’m attracted to can easily attract other women. The men who get jealous of the attention I get I am not attracted to. I’m faced with a future of jealousy. Nice.

  18. December 17, 2009 10:45 am

    That’s life aoefe. Monogamy used to protect us all from it.

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