The Chastity Belt
There are several internally motivating reasons as to why your everyday girl stays single.
If remaining single is difficult for you, you might want to consider why that is in the context of these areas.
First of all, you may have moral quibbles about anything from one night stands to premarital sex. There are many reasons for this, some religious, some not. For example, it may bother you to have sex with someone you ideologically disagree with: this allows you to avoid the too-common hypocrisy inherent in the strange pairing of feminisluts and misogynistic players.
When you do ally yourself with a man who wants more than you do, either through sex or commitment, you can feel a lot of guilt. It is justified. You are essentially exploiting a man. It doesn’t matter if he wants to be exploited; you are responsible for your actions. Taking advantage of him being at your mercy is cruelty. Trust me, when you break up with him or he spends the rest of his life pining after you, he won’t thank you for it. Being with a man you don’t value is truly doing him a disfavour. Leave him be and let him try and find a woman who wants him.
An adherance to your moral beliefs is also indicative of self-control. (Note: self-control improves with physical exercise.) Being single hinges on that aspect. Remaining single is relatively easy for a man in terms of requiring that he exercise self-control by making sure he does not actively pursue a woman. You, on the other hand, have to say ‘thank you but I don’t’ repeatedly.
- PrideYou believe you deserve better, that you can do better and that you should do better. You may be right.
The normal woman’s attitude here can appear arbitrary and inconsistent, perhaps because her level of realistic self-esteem is consistently in conflict with her hypergamous instinct. She may want to do better whether she knows it or not but does not believe she is attractive enough to do that. I will voluntarily disclose that here is where I perceive my personal weakness to be: I don’t believe in myself or my value. This isn’t a call for attempting to prop up my ego (or confirm that it should be demolished, either!). The point I wish to make is that a respect for your self needs to come from within you so that you don’t seek any attention from just any man and so that you don’t underestimate how well you can actually do.
The balance for me is to continue to not think that I could in any way claim to be inherently superiour to anyone. I have my flaws, they have theirs.
Pride is the missing component in many behavioural puzzles around female sexuality. The first component is in the type of man she chooses as a partner. She will want to accept no less than a man who may meet certain criteria important to her: it may be that he is ethical, of a certain status, of a certain level of looks, of a certain value to her eyes and society’s. She expects him to meet certain standards because she has her own. Even a shameless slut may take pride in being an excellent sexual experience. While having over-inflated pride is a problem, a woman can also sabotage herself by having a low level of pride, refusing to aim higher than she does and being insecure to an insufferable extent around a man she perceives as much higher value.
The second component is in the way she is treated and treats others. She may want more for herself than being treated cheaply as a pump and dump. She may view herself as undeserving of abuse or casual dismissal; meaningless relationships nevermind gratuitously abusive ones are demeaning and incomprehensible to her. She believes a relationship in which there is no love, real promises or reciprocity as below her level. She will refuse to revisit relationships which she has dismissed as unworkeable or, worse, in which she herself was dismissed.
As such, she won’t indulge in affairs which she can see as trashy, won’t allow herself to submit to a man unless he is one that truly deserves her respect. She will maintain both chastity and sexual exclusivity as pride in her value if nothing else.
When a woman with a certain level of pride abdicates the single life, the man she is with truly feels that he is special.
The last aspect to think about is trust. Life is filled with lessons and lessons about human interaction. Most of these boil down to the principle that trust is such a risky enterprise.A woman who trusts easily is easily taken advantage of. She gives men plenty of opportunity to be close to her and forms relationships quickly, forming fantasies of his personality with little information. She is approachable but also hopelessly naive. It’s striking how some women learn their lessons quickly while others continually put themselves at risk.
A woman who finds it very difficult to trust will remain single for a long time. She will need to know many details about her partner as well as be reassured of his affection for her in order to be open and available to him. She also cannot handle the idea of being vulnerable in any way to someone she is not well acquainted with and who she has critically evaluated. She fears dangers from a person she doesn’t know, anything from assault to exploitation to deception to forms of humiliation.
So, my lovelies. Why do you think a woman might stay single when there’s no external reason why she should? What stops her being indiscriminate about her partners and her numbers? Do you know of techniques to help harvest the monumental act of self-control involved? Why should she not, when, if a man was in the same situation as her and attaining repeated offers, he’d say ‘yes’?