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A dose of realism

January 8, 2010

Game hasn’t changed my dating strategy, what I know, and what I don’t know, and I suspect it’s been the same for most other women as well. Men are just as equally in denial about what they want as women can be, and probably to similar extents, so, no, I don’t trust most male advice. In fact, any sort of new effective measure given to me has been by other women, just like how the larger male-directed Game sphere is reliably trusted upon by other men. So, a lot of you men are going to spout off about how women are irrational, fickle, emotional creatures who lie to themselves, but it’s the very fact that we emotional, interpersonal creatures that makes us intuitively great at manipulation and pop-psychology.

I’ve posted pictures of myself freely on the internet, so most of you know I’m not beauty queen material. So how do I weasel my way into committed relationships with men who are attractive, good earners with good jobs, intelligent (!) and generally desired? I don’t. It just happens. I suspect it’s because authenticity, a sense of humour, bearable conversation, and intelligence count for a lot. I’m sure a lot of other women who lack these qualities are equally if not more naturally feminine and giving than me.

The point is, any self-aware human being knows what is effective based on the results they are getting as a person. I don’t really take some Random Internet Dude’s assertion that being smart or pursuing higher education is going to reduce my dating market value – oh, no!!! I don’t want to appeal to some plebeian guy with plebeian tastes. Real life tells me that the men I’m attracted to respond best to particular facets of my personality or appearance, and that’s what I run with.

19 Comments leave one →
  1. LIL permalink*
    January 8, 2010 5:52 pm

    Men are just as equally in denial about what they want as women can be


    Heh. Well, we’ve talked about this. It’s easy to point fingers when you don’t have to take yourself into account, hmm.

  2. January 8, 2010 6:23 pm

    Men are just as equally in denial about what they want as women can be, and probably to similar extents

    I suspect it’s because authenticity, a sense of humour, bearable conversation, and intelligence count for a lot.

    Real life tells me that the men I’m attracted to respond best to particular facets of my personality or appearance, and that’s what I run with.

    If I judged myself by what many male commenters have assured us is what matters I’d have to resign myself to an ever dwindling number of desperate one night stands.

    of course, I have read some things that have been thought provoking, which is why I skim. (or, ahem, work boredom.) I still can’t believe watching a woman seriously gag is that hot, but I’ve learned other things.

    (I know you never said you reject *all* male advice.)

  3. January 8, 2010 6:40 pm


    Men are just as equally in denial about what they want as women can be


    Heh. Well, we’ve talked about this

    whew. Lady Evil said
    you had the clap

    glad your back

  4. LIL permalink*
    January 8, 2010 7:09 pm

    FP –

    I missed you too.

  5. January 8, 2010 7:56 pm

    I mentioned how men don’t know what they want.

    And Sofia, keep doing what you’re doing. Each individual needs to find what works best, just like there’s different types of game.

  6. January 9, 2010 1:10 am

    I have changed my dating strategy since stumbling into the PUA community. I’m on a dating hiatus right now, I should take the time to evaluate the differences. Oh wait…I’m still single. Fail. :)

  7. January 9, 2010 2:06 am

    Why Male* Advice Can be Bad:
    – In general: combination of self-awareness, huma understanding, knowledge and social skill for good advice is rare.
    – Overgeneralisation: he thinks what works for him will work for what type you’re attracted to.
    – He’s into you and wants to consciously or unconsciously sabotage your prospects.
    – You’re at cross-purposes: your goal may be long-term while he’s thinking short-term. You may not especially desparate and willing to do high-risk strategies. And so on.
    – He’s confusing moral, noble and correct behaviour for what actually works.
    – He’s not correctly identifying how what attracts him is constructed by the opposite sex. Two parts to this. The first part is more obvious: he’s not a woman so he doesn’t know the exact logistics unless he actively finds out e.g. which bra type might show off your breasts best. The second part is more subtle. As in, he can’t differentiate between what’s more natural and what isn’t. Or the preceding steps necessary before he finds something attractive. e.g. depending on the man, submission becomes so much more incredibly attractive after you show yourself as a strong, independent woman.**
    *or, indeed, advice dispensed by any gender. I know I’ve been guilty of the above, since it’s just the hazard of talking about it.
    ** as in, a genuinely strong, independent woman. Although I’m sure the shrieking harpy that masquerades for strong/independent submitting also has its appeal.

    Why Male Advice Can be Good:
    – He’s a man; he knows what he likes. I think the opposite gender gives you valuable advice. It’s just that both of you are not speaking the same language and don’t know how to interpret each other correctly. Some negotiation and discourse combined with sharing experiences solves the problem.
    – Advice from a man that strikes you as a (possibly older) carboncopy of your type in a long-term relationship can be gold if he’s reasonably honest and open.
    – I’ve observed you can ‘Game’ a guy by asking him for advice re: romance. I’m not sure what it is, but I think its to do with bonding, respecting his opinion plus giving you an opportunity to demonstrate your values on how to conduct relationships without looking like you’re trying to persuade him directly. Also creating this damsel in distress vibe.
    – Where men seem to particularly shine is understanding what’s motivating other men and, most critically, evaluating the prospective man’s personality and value too. If you’re looking for someone of substance who isn’t going to abuse you, this is where to particularly ask for help in making a judgement.

  8. January 9, 2010 8:28 pm

    Admitting and spelling out what you want cuts you out of a lot of markets. You need to accept that before you can start laying down standards. It’s easier to say you don’t really know what you want than turn your back on endless possibilities.

  9. January 9, 2010 8:58 pm


    “He’s into you and wants to consciously or unconsciously sabotage your prospects.”

    I’ve found that, in most situations, advice from males can be as bad, or worse, than advice from girls for this reason. Men are driven to either:
    a) help themselves or
    b) help their friends

    They either want you for themselves, or want to help their friend score. Either way, taking their advice can be incredibly stupid.

    Unfortunately, taking female advice can be just as stupid. There needs to be a balance.

  10. msexceptiontotherule permalink
    January 10, 2010 1:55 am

    I’m volunteering myself for advice-giving. Some of the qualities that I have that make me the ideal candidate: I am brutally honest, I currently have no plans on dating and that will not change in the forseeable future, and, I evaluate each situation according to the unique characteristics of the individuals involved and of the circumstances.

    I figure that unbiased and detached analysis would be appropriate when recommending different strategies and can provide several options to apply as to the person’s motivation & behavior.

    I like systems and logic.
    A lot.

  11. January 10, 2010 3:33 am

    Hey Cooner,

    Regarding the last line of your first paragraph: why are you bragging about being good at pop psychology?

    - Rake

  12. January 10, 2010 2:41 pm

    Tenmagnet on advice:
    Basically, it’s the same pitfalls for men to women.

  13. January 10, 2010 3:33 pm

    Quite frankly many would have much better lives if they just took my advice. Just sayin…

  14. January 11, 2010 3:29 pm


    FP –

    I missed you too.

    I know.

    now, You’ve made millions
    all over the world
    green with envy

  15. January 12, 2010 12:09 am

    It seems like often, the way men and women describe what does and doesn’t work very, well, solipsistic. (Did I use that right?) Men will say they like a girl but from a male point of view – a point of view that is sometimes not in tune with pop-psych. subtlety as you allude sofia. For example, a man might say fake bOObs don’t make a difference in how attracted he is to a woman, he finds her face fresh and her demeanor sensual. But a robust bust by its nature will sexualize a woman – it gives her a more raunchy silhouette. If he finds himself more aroused he might say that its her confident acting, but really I think its his “animal brain” reacting to upped indicators of fertilit.

    Any way, learning about Game has changed me by, I guess, making me feel more comfortable to be as girlll as I wanna be? And it strangely made me more comfortable acknowleding those feelings of knowing what makes a man value a woman, etc. What Game fails to address though, is the charm of a woman who may not have the face to launch a thousand ships but has that special something, that charm or pure charisma, that makes you think of her as stunning and captivating. Kind of like a Madonna effect (even when she was young)….

    And yes sofia, do your thing ;-) Real life counts for so much more than the talking heads on the Internet – the guys who claim that because they and their friends don’t like edumaated women, most men don’t… Same with those who claim men have no problem being with a taller woman, its no biggie (yeah right, I hear again and again in real life many men saying they want a petite girl – at least one who is their height or less). ;-)

  16. January 12, 2010 12:13 am

    Ugh, sorry for typos… My computer is broken and can’t go fix up my comment now… Boooooo!

  17. January 13, 2010 10:02 am

    They’re all full of shit, completely agree. I came from nothing…nothing!! I’ve landed in the big time as far as boyfriends go (two “way out of my league” guys) because I loved the guys…imagine that, and because I’ve bothered to try to make myself a well rounded human being. Unless “he” has been in a SUCCESSFUL long term, I don’t listen. You can hear people’s baggage in their words if you just listen long enough. I read blogs because they’re funny and some, SOME have good points. And I’m going to marry you Sofia…or the very least come up and have a good smoke session. :)

  18. January 13, 2010 4:53 pm

    chicks who kack on megadoobage
    have the sharpest

  19. Wizemen permalink
    January 23, 2010 8:41 am

    The great irony in all of this, is most people here are exceedingly inexperienced in maturity and in life, they speak of standards and “their type”. The truth is most people are stupid and immature before they hit their mid 30′s to early 40′s.

    Many so called “defective” men and women are not defective at all, but are merely in the process of growing and healing from the hand they were dealt in life. Men and women are both inhuman and cruel to one another, they put on silly airs of dominance, authority as if they knew something.

    Real Adults are exceedingly rare in the world, this is why so many relationships are highly unstable and fail, the next part is expectations and false ideals and values of the age. Many modern persons have no experience or sense of how things were historically, they have no idea how lucky they really are to be born in the times they exist in.

    It is a luxury to bitch and complain when you have such a wide selection of mates due to modern transportation and technology. Imagine you were born in an earlier time and you had to make due and learn to grow together with someone else.

    I think some reading on people who’ve had wonderful experiences with arrange marriages might make you see that most people today are vacuous selfish spoiled empty human beings.

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