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Dating Under the Influence

May 17, 2010

On a bad morning-after:

  • “I can’t believe I did that. This is going to mess everything up.  I shouldn’t have let him come over.”
  • “OMG… what happened?  Where am I?  Where are my clothes?”
  • “Oh no, I went too far. He looks so smug.  I hope he doesn’t think he’s won me over now or something.”

It seems that many women today lack the ability to fully self-regulate their behavior.

Women will backwards-rationalize why we did something, treat our mistakes as a “learning process,” or more rarely, accept responsibility and vow to do better.

The fact remains that many, many women do things that are incongruous with what they believe, or what they realize might be in their best interests.

What’s So Wrong with That?

Things that women often regret (usually stepped into with an ignored modicum of doubt):

  • Hooking up with a guy they just met, or sleeping with a guy “too early”
  • Losing their cool and doing something that’s a turn-off, like unnecessary drama or emasculation
  • Trying to get a guy “back” (often full of backwards-justification of epic proportions, if not complete denial)
  • Clinging to dead-end guys lacking in character, commitment or compatibility

Why Does it Happen?

Do these things happen because innate girl-logic is hopelessly twisted?  Are girl-brains so delusional that they can’t make conscious choices?  Are girls so solipsistic that they just won’t follow wisdom and advice?

I don’t think so.

Plenty of women can self-regulate themselves enough to keep a job… accomplish educational goals… lose weight by eating less and exercising… pay their bills on time… keep a child alive… exploit legal loopholes…

Girl-logic can get twisted, but not because of something innately wrong with women’s hormone-addled brains.

When it gets twisted, a lot of times it’s because of alcohol.

What’s the Solution?


Love Aaj Kal (Love Nowadays) was a popular Bollywood movie last year. After an amicable break-up: BOY: Hey listen, don't get drunk around strange guys. I took so much advantage of you when you were drunk! GIRL: Smarty pants, I always knew what you were doing. I wasn't really that drunk, just acting like I was and thinking, "Dude... make a MOVE already!" GUY: Hahaha! They why didn't you say something? I wouldn't have said no! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5UFx6bJVCY @1:52

LSB’s advice:  Don’t drink.  OK fine… not everyone is cut for the teetotaler life.  Just don’t get drunk when potentials are around (viz., everywhere).  Under the influence one will lose the sense needed to recognize who those potentials are, and the grace needed to act like a potential oneself (meaning, girlfriend potential, not pump-and-dump potential).

Intoxication has been lauded by poets for centuries, and does function as a social lubricant.  But learn to just get buzzed or if especially gregarious, charmingly tipsy but in control.

And if you must, learn to get puke-faced drunk safely; some people find complete drunken abandon very cathartic.

There are always exceptions to any rule, including drunken encounters.  But expecting to be one of those exceptions is highly, highly risky.

For Those That Think That Hedonism is Fun… And Shouldn’t be Controlled

Food is a basic need too, and probably a greater one than sex.  And many, many women can control their eating habits enough to look slim and stay healthy too.

Sex is both a physical and emotional experience for women. For some it’s downright spiritual.  Short-term behavior does have long-term consequences… and I’m not talking about STDs and pregnancy.  The experiences of the body affect the psyche and soul.

18 Comments leave one →
  1. lovelysexybeauty permalink
    May 17, 2010 4:39 pm

    Going to be a dorkette and comment on my own post…

    Real life observations of drunkenness this month so far (not all in one day, but could’ve been):
    - 6 AM: fully naked guy in apartment lobby. Tries to hide the jewels with one hand, uses other hand to gesticulate when talking to front desk guy. Curious about what happened but too scared/grossed out to stick around
    - 11 PM: Quick entry to club (luv it), proceed to friend of friend of friend’s table. FoFoF hosts totally wasted and acting douchier than usual. Wave engagement ring in their faces but that doesn’t seem to be a deterrant (they’re too gone to remember what “not available” means, I guess). Ignore them most of the night except to sit down or get a drink
    - Midnight: fat chick in the club sloppily dancing on stage. Letting any guy have a feel; one guy even lifts up her skirt for all to see. A couple of guys start to lead her out, then her friends magically appear and intervene. Guess I won’t be hearing about an assault on the news after all
    - 1-2 AM: People puking in the bathroom, in the trash can outside, in the gutter, etc. Girls stumbling and taking off their shoes and walking barefeet (yuckkk). Just a typical night out in the city! One of the pukers is birthday girlfriend (too many bday shots…). Help her sober up with food and water, she crashes at a girlfriend’s nearby (she’ll get her car in the morning and drive home then)

  2. May 17, 2010 8:01 pm

    So it’s the alcohol that’s intoxicating? I thought it was me!

  3. namae nanka permalink
    May 17, 2010 9:37 pm

    Do these things happen because innate girl-logic is hopelessly twisted?
    yes

    Are girl-brains so delusional that they can’t make conscious choices?
    yes

    Are girls so solipsistic that they just won’t follow wisdom and advice?
    yes

    “Food is a basic need too, and probably a greater one than sex.”

    lozlzolzlzlzllzlzlz
    wonderful example to blame it on alcohol.

    “Sex is both a physical and emotional experience for women. For some it’s downright spiritual. ”

    Naked yoga is said to ultimate for the body and the soul!!

    “The experiences of the body affect the psyche and soul.”

    So true, there is no mind/body dichotomy, as much as us sinners would like to believe.

  4. namae nanka permalink
    May 17, 2010 9:55 pm

    Goddammit their hindi is cringe worthy.The dialogues are horrible, and the delivery is worse than a school kid.

    “main jaa chuki hoon tumhare andar se…”

    WTF

  5. May 18, 2010 2:39 pm

    Drinking is a masculine activity, at least it is the case in many traditional cultures. Women should not drink alcohol, period. Good post. :)

  6. May 18, 2010 5:36 pm

    @namae nanka
    In a long tradition of selecting Bollywood actresses based purely on looks… lol

    @Hope
    So true about drinking alcohol being usually associated with masculine activity.

    Beer bong contests, drinking contents, whiskey putting “hair on your chest”… these are all about hard liquor and/or shots (which get you f*d up) and strongly correlated with male behavior.

    Girly drinks on the other hand are considered weak… takes a lot of champagne and Cosmos to get puke-faced

    I’m not an elegant enough writer to have made the point, but I think you’d fine that most women who hook up a lot only do so when inebriated. An extremely slim minority of women will go home with a man they met during “day game”… why? They’re too sober

  7. sdaedalus permalink
    May 18, 2010 5:56 pm

    This is a very good post. I hate drunk people. Most of all, I hate drunk women. However I have to say that I have in my own sweet wisdom manged to do (ii) (iii) and (iv) of Things To Regret listed above while stone cold sober.

  8. sdaedalus permalink
    May 18, 2010 5:59 pm

    I think female insecurity (which can be very well hidden behind a veneer of apparent confidence) is at least as big an influence as alcohol in relation to all of the Things To Regret.

    But I agree that alcohol & insecurity are a disastrous combination.

  9. May 18, 2010 6:06 pm

    @sdaedalus: Insecurity is a bad, bad thing. But everybody’s insecure to some extent. That’s what causes a lot of relationship problems.

    I’ve done my own share of embarrassing things, and since I’ve never been drunk, there’s no excuse. Just accept that I’m not perfect and move on.

  10. sdaedalus permalink
    May 18, 2010 6:25 pm

    Hope

    I agree. I figure all I can to is try to learn from my mistakes. I agree that everyone is insecure to some extent, however the test of character is really in how one deals with this. I don’t think acting out because of insecurity is necessarily a female prerogative either.

  11. finsalscollons permalink
    May 26, 2010 7:50 pm

    Well, I have not drunk in my life but let’s not blame alcohol.

    It is not that they bang the guy because they are drunk. It is that they drink to have an alibi to bang the guy.

    “Ohhh, I was so drunk….” is the perfect excuse.

    When they are drunk, they rarely bang an unattractive guy.

  12. June 10, 2010 12:46 pm

    Alcohol can certainly lead to strange bedfellows. And some AMAZING stories! ;)

  13. July 17, 2010 5:38 am

    this one s lovely, beauty and attratctable.

  14. July 21, 2010 3:14 am

    What, did you all get married all ready?
    Here’s one for you:
    http://theartofbeingfeminine.blogspot.com/

  15. Bhetti permalink*
    July 23, 2010 5:21 pm

    Thanks, Lupo. Very interesting.

  16. Truth Dealer permalink
    August 10, 2010 2:09 pm

    Many women know exactly what can happen when they drink. The problem is that many women are so uptight, too religiously guilty, too worried, etc… that the can NOT relax.

    The use the alcohol to relax and as an EXCUSE to do things they really want to do. Like have SEX.

    If they didn’t drink, they would be these near frigid, sex prude, inhibited type women that think they could only have sex with “Mr. Perfect” (even if she is far from perfect), date guys superficially for looks to show off to girlfriends for group approval, and sex is only done in exchange for money and social status.

    A lot of women have major problems with excessive inhibitions, paranoia about what friends, family, and co-workers think, and being able to relax.

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