What’s the most stable relationship? Women are meant to be hypergamous and yet…
… logically speaking, a largely homogamous relationship should be the most stable. Perhaps a differential where he’s a little above her in status might guarantee a woman’s loyalty but if he’s too far above you, what guarantees his loyalty and contentment? How can the wretched commoner ever become a princess for the prince?
It’s only a rare girl who has the ability to be transformed by a fairy godmother.
In any case, homogamy isn’t just about status or cultural indices. It’s about being agreement on the important things, as Brett alludes to:
In personality-reality, or the vision of the world from inside our heads, we like to think that we can make anything work. But back in physical reality, we realize there must be actual compatibility. No, not the shallow stuff like both of you enjoying windsurfing and comic books, but the real compatibility: do you fit together biologically? Are your minds/personalities compatible?
He references this article:
Some things simply cannot be negotiated.
* You may want kids, but she does not.
* You’re religious preference is Catholic and his is Buddhism.
* You have differing political beliefs.
* One of you has a much higher sex drive than the other.
* He is a risk taker and you prefer a substantial safety net.
How do you compromise on such a huge issues? Simply put, you don’t. While minor stuff, like who does what chore, can be discussed and argued, the big one can’t and will only get bigger over time. But make sure you are on the same track about such major issues as children, finances, religion, or sex — or know in advance how you’ll compromise.
Some say the heart wants what the heart wants and you have to be flexible around that, yet is it true that we fall for those utterly different to us?
[Note: All links below only for reference to relevant evidence.]
An old study in Ankara, Turkey found no difference in homogamy between those who had love matches versus those who had arranged marriages.
Data says homogamy rules the mating game, here’re some examples:
However, there is evidence that we’ve shifted from homogamy as the hypergamous impulse is unleashed due to social changes: barriers exerted by social pressures simply have melted away. There’s also evidence that in certainly the educational aspect, it isn’t. There’s evidence to suggest that homogamy leads to longer-term satisfaction: for example what’s important for men is that you have the same verbal IQ and for women that you share a similar impulsivity.
An argument for homogamy as a logical natural state can be found in evolutionary psychology:
Assortative mating defined as “self seeking like” has a strong stabilizing effect on sex, is evolutionary stable, and has an evolutionary dynamics analogous to kin selection (Jaffe 2000)
This theory accepts that genetic similarity is not only achieved through familiar proximity, and recognizes that genetic relatedness may exist among individuals with no familiar relationship between them. Therefore, assortative mating of the kind “self seeking like” may achieve reproduction between genetically similar mates, favoring the stabilization of genes supporting social behavior, with no kin relationship among them (Jaffe 2001).
Perhaps indoctrinating the young with the belief that they must marry someone similar to them — and to remember that whenever they consider a potential mate — will lead them to have more homogamous impulses than what is already natural.